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2.
A small town in North-Eastern Michigan known for fat ugly women and young attractive men with mullets named Nick Lee.

A place to go if you want to visit the closest place to Hell.
Cop: Now what are we going to do with you?

Arrested Man: Fuck Yo Couch Nigga

Cop: Im taking you where no man has a chance to live or leave.

Arrested Man: Aw Hell Naw Not Alpena.
by NLHASP March 10, 2011
 
1.
1. A small town in Northeastern Michigan known for Drinking and tomfoolery

2. A adjective used by Alpena transplants to describe a party scene that has become of ouf control or gong show

1. Make sure you bring the doedoe when we cruise up to Alpena, because god knows we won't be able to score any there.

2. Everyone was so wasted at Jimmy's house they managed to tear off the porch and use it for a bonfire, it was so Alpena

by Flish September 04, 2006
 
3.
AKA Alspenis michicunts come here on vacation leave here on probation

Where everything in this town is ass backwards

Where the cops are more dirty then theives stealing from people

Where you go to a party and probably see your friends parents or grand parents partying down

Home of alien wanker, the pink flamingo, few moon crickets, and dirty sluts
alpena
by team_cat November 30, 2011
 
4.
A small town in north-eastern Michigan where there is only one style of clothing.
Oh look there is an aeropostale shirt.

-3seconds later- Oh look there is the same shirt but on a different person

ALPENA!
by WastedSoul April 08, 2011