Shaving Victim: Nah, man, this is an Accidental Goatee. I slipped shavin and it was between this and looking like a twelve year old.
Friend: Oh, shit, I'm sorry man. Maybe getting carded to buy cigs will motivate you to find a good barber shop.
Shaving Victim: Why would I pay someone to shave my beard? Your mom does it for free when I give her a mustache ride.