In an effort to educate and to promote understanding of our faith, I will recount the story of The Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts, the sacred commandments that were given to Mosey the Pirate by the Flying Spaghetti Monster Himself. This is the story that has been handed down for hundreds of years by generations of the Pastafarian faithful:
While brooding atop Mount Salsa because he cannot find a Pirate ship, Mosey the Pirate captain receives some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone tablets. These were called the I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the "Commandments" by Mosey, and the "Condiments" by his Pirate gang. While there were originally ten I'd Really Rather You didn'ts, two were dropped on the way back down the mountain, with eight remaining. This event "partly accounts for Pastafarians' flimsy moral standards." The Flying Spaghetti Monsters commandments address worship of Him, the treatment of people of other faiths, sexual conduct, and nutrition.

THE EIGHT I'D REALLY RATHER YOU DIDN'TS

1.
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like A Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.
2.
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be M...