A normal 69, but the chick has her period.

Any sexual activity other than actual sex. ie: oral sex

1. 1-man salute
2. 7.4 on the Rectum scale
3. Acid-rain maker
4. After the thunder comes the rain
5. Air bagel
6. Airbrush your boxers
7. Anal acoustics
8. Anal ahem
9. Anal audio
10. Anal salute
11. Anal volcano
12. Arse blast
13. Ass blaster
14. Ass-scented methane
15. Ass biscuit
16. Ass thunder
17. Ass whistle
18. A turd whistling for the right of way
19. Backdoor breeze
20. Backfire
21. Bad sprinkling
22. Baking brownies
23. Barking spiders
24. Bean blower
25. Beep your horn
26. Belch from behind
27. Better open a window
28. Blast off
29. Blast the chair
30. Blasting the ass trumpet
31. Blat
32. Blow ass
33. Blow mud
34. Blow the big brown horn
35. Blowing the butt bugle
36. Blowing you a kiss
37. Bomber
38. Bottom blast
39. Bottom burp
40. Break the sound barrier without a plane
41. Break wind
42. Breath of fresh air
43. Brown horn brass choir
44. Brown thunder
45. Bun shaker
46. Burnin' rubber
47. Buster
48. Busting ass
49. Butt bleat
50. Butt burp
51. Butt hair harmony
52. Butt percussion
53. Butt trauma
54. Butt trumpet
55. Butt tuba
56. Buttock bassoon
57. Cheek flapper
58. Cheesin'
59. Colonic calliope
60. Crack a rat
61. Crack one off
62. Crack splitters
63. Crimp off some breakfast biscuits
64. Crop dusting (surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust)
65. ...

This is a collection of rules that every man should live by. It originated in an article written by Maxim, but with some help from the valet boys (Vaida & Dodds) and now the guys at Mifflin, they have become law. The rules are to be followed at all times. They can be changed but that requires a majority vote.

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually marry her.

2. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

4. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!". (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

8. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is fo...

To fully understand Canada's History, one must have had sexual relationship with a direct descendant of Canada's Historians. Requirements:Two Straight or Gay women (1 Relative),1 Straight Male with min 10" penis,6 Midgets,1 9" Cactus,1 wild animal's head(Moose Preferred) filled with Maple Syrup, A Canoe or a Raft.
Load everything into the raft and down a shallow river where one can expect many Rapids.5 midgets must steer the raft into rapids while the 6th, without using his tiny arms, must completely undress the two maidens.At which point you pour the maple syrup from the Wild Animal's Head onto the ladies making sure that every inch is amply covered.Upon reaching the rapids get the ladies into a 69 position and the midget must rapidly put the cactus in and out a lady's asshole from one end. This when coupled with the maple syrup and the uneven rapids is painfully reminiscent of the Intercolonial Wars that erupted between 1689 and 1763, ultimately culminating in a blood filled orgasm strangely signifying the Birth of Quebec.On the other end your goal is to take your10inches and in a swift motion must pistol whip all the 5 midgets steering the raft and finally enter the woman on the other side. Now repeat this process 12 times to ultimately have a raft shaking orgasm filling the woman with a your manseed. Thi surprisingly guarantees that the offspring will be a female and thereby ensuring that Canada's History is carried on forward for years to come.

you know u go to staples when....

1. you have walked 10ft without seeing a tv and felt the overwelming rush of relief when u saw the piler with a tv on either side
2. you are not surprised when yest ANOTHER nail salon opens...in the place of where an old one used to be
3. you have had a time where u felt that the most social place to be is the diner
4. the police reports section of the westport news only has stories on people letting their dogs off leashes at the beach when they're -gasp!_not supposed to
5. you have paid $1.75 for a vitamin water b/c face it...ur adictied
6. you think norwalk is like harlem/south side of chicago
7. while someone was describing someone as the tall emo kid u have sarcasticlly said...well that narrows it down. to half of staples
8. if you're a "player" you're most likely NOT on an athletic team, and you definitely don't get around
9. u have overheard people asking for dimes from people and the only response they recived is that poeple had dime bags
10. you'll pay 3.50 for your lunch but refuse to pay $1 for the Penguin Plunge/various other good causes
11. you have had at least one teacher know everything about yout social life
12. every one of your teachers is clinically insane..it's usually your foreign language teacher
13. (regarding only to poeple with older siblings) you have had every sophmore and older come up to you yelling ur last name
14. the most exersize you get is walking the stairs in the new building
15. you hav...

1. No wasted beer in the name of humor.
2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control
3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.
4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home.
(The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend’s home)
5. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.
6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.
7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.
8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.
9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pa...