|22.||Facebook suicide note|
A status update one sends to declare that they are done with Facebook. The usual reason is that there is "too much drama." Only a very small number of Facebook suicide note writers keep their promise.
Some don't delete their accounts, so they just come back in a month, some end up making new ones, and still others keep their promise but find out that, unfortunately, Facebook has becoming very important for keeping up with what's going on around you.
Bob: This will be my last status update on facebook. There's just too much drama and bullshit here. If you want to talk to me just text me. (August 3rd, 2011)
Joe: Sorry to hear it man, yeah there can be a lot of bullshit on here sometimes.
Bob: Sup (August 10th, 2011)
Joe: I knew you were full of shit when you wrote that Facebook suicide note.
A very distant descendant of a human being that has undergone the evolutionary process of merging with technology. Formally homosapien or human being. An entity that possesses a high sense of awareness, along with abilities that far exceeds those capable by any human being. God-like in comparison to humans. Interacts with it's environments on several dimensions, particularly beyond the 3rd.
On average, Holosapiens have begun to terraform planets at the rate of one per month.
|24.||No Jerk January|
The Act of not masturbating during the entire month of January, starting from The new Year at midnight until February 1 at midnight. No Jerk January is a new fad created in 2010 by bros from Moses Brown School to see who of their friends were pussies and could hold out touching themselves. The act of No Jerk January is often a contest between bros (or chicks) to see who has the best self control and discipline. It often leads to guys that don't talk to girls starting to talk to them in order to get their nut. No Jerk January is a month long test to see if a man is actually a man or a huge pussy, and is tested based off the honor system.
The rules are as follows:
1- no masturbating your own penis
2- if you are caught lying about No Jerk January, you will forever be looked down upon by the very bros you love so dearly.
this means that girls can do it for you, or if your into it, dogs, guys and tit mice
Garrett: Hey I heard that stud baseball PG Jake is doing no jerk January, I'm joining up with him too.
Chapman: There is no way your gonna be able to do it, so I'll join in as well.
Garrett: I think this is going to be great for me, maybe I will start talking to girls.
Walshy: Hey guys, I can't do No Jerk January since I don't talk to girls and enjoy my brazzers password from Jake. Its much better than having to talk to bitches to get a handie. I've never even talked to a girl before.
Chapman: Your such a soft bitch Walshy go hang out with your scumbag roommate Jake.
Garrett: I'm gonna go talk to a slut and hopefully she'll help me out, it's only January 3rd and I'm already dying.
Jake (walking into the room): dude my boys Travis, Laders, Mitch and Cam all completed No Jerk January. I on the other hand could not make it past January 2...
The type of handjob a guy gets from his good female (or male) friend because, for whatever reason, he is sexually frustrated and requires release. Done as a favor as opposed to an overt sexual act due to attraction.
Note: Not to be confused with a handjob your FWB gives you. Simply put, a platonic friend gives courtesy handjobs the same way friends spot each other for lunch or give each other rides.
"Hey, Alyssa, thanks for that courtesy handjob last night. I hadn't been laid in almost a month and it was killing me. You're the best!"
"Don't mention it John. I mean, what are friends for? But really, don't mention it. To anyone."
Safeway (3rd Planet in the Supermarket Solar System)
Population: 200 poorly paid employees, 20 young wannabes with nothing to but hang out at a supermarket on a Saturday night, 10 angry old people with stupid questions, 50 or so middle aged soccer mum species who consider themselves to be the most superior species on the planet, and 5 to 6 managers wandering aimlessly doing nothing.
Orbit: Around the planet is a vast asteroid like field of 4WD Class Space ships piloted by soccer mums. Extremely hostile and dangerous! Take caution!
Environment: Employees are regularly subjected to the hostile natives and are forced to endure seasonal carol music non-stop for a month.
Recommendation: Avoid AT ALL COSTS!
"I got past the Soccer Mum asteroid field only to be rammed to death by a roving granny with a walking frame!"
Originated from the term "Instigator"
An awesome flash animator that takes crap from no one and pwns any one who opposes him. He has been at Newgrounds since 11/12/03 and has already won four portal awards in a row (and even took a 3 month break from flash. He made his triumphant return in March 2004.)
His accomplishments include Daily 4th place (twice), Daily 5th place (once), and Daily 3rd place (once). And right now, his batting average is 3.65 / 5.00 (A+). And his current average review score is 8.79/10.00 (58 reviews), and that's including the asshats that give him zeros!
Here is a list of his portal awards...
1. FFVI: The Day After Part10, Daily 4th Place, 3/17/04
2. FFVI: The Day After Part9, Daily 3rd Place, 3/12/04
3. FFVI: The Day After Part8, Daily 5th Place, 12/22/03
4. FFVI: The Day After Part7, Daily 4th Place, 12/14/03
See that 3 month gap? Maybe he could have had twice as many awards if he made flash during that 3 month absence...
"EG: If you are on Vinstigator's shit list, you better watch out!
"EG: You did what? You Gave Vinstigator a zero?! Are you fucking stupid?! Now your ass is gonna get pwned big time!
"EG: Wow, you're getting really good at flash! You might be the next Vinstigator!
The day of the month dedicated to a certain Mike Windy's (actual name confidential) mispronunciation. He was trying to pronounce "Salival" as in the box set of sorts by Tool. "Salvo" kept coming out, however, and his horrible English or interpretation of English led to much confusion for 10 minutes.
Every 3rd of the month is Salvo Day, and February 3rd is Grand Salvo Day.
Well, shucks, son, you really know how to make an old man like me happy on Salvo Day.