|1.||22 reasons to stay single:|
Women, wear your badge of 'single-ness' proudly. I like being single. Getting involved is scary. Here's why:
1. you can no longer collect or give your number to the really hot guys
2. you have to get ready for huge disappointments (forgetten birthdays, holidays, etc...)
3. you can no longer trust your best friend. (you have to watch her out of the corner of your eye when with your man.)
4. you have to explain to your parents who the new guy is
5. no more eating two double cheeseburgers. Just a salad and water.
6. you have to pretend to like the cheesy gift he presented to you in front of everyone.
7. you have to stop your embarrassing habits.
8. you have to start calling yourself fat for recognition b/c he doesn't compliment you enough.
9. you cant wear the gramma panties anymore
10. you have to shave
11. you have to cook for two now
12. you have to deal with vicious rumors spread by his ex and her posse.
13. if you're nice to a male in public, he'll call it flirting and use it as his permanent defense in every argument.
14. He won't respect the cat.
15. He'll tell his buddies that you're stingy with the 'putty', but in fact, when you're in the mood, he's tiiired
16. you eventually have to deal with the break up
17. everyone wants to know how you two met, regardless how incredibly boring it was.
18. you have to put on your fake smile and endure 3 long hours of candy-coated insults or awkward silence when meeting his parents'.
19. After the breakup, your paranoia will convince you that he wants to torch the cat, thus causing you thousands in expensive therapy.
20. If your mother likes him and you two break up, she'll always refer to him as 'the one that got away.'
21. You have to start laughing at his jokes, regardless of how lame they are.
22. You have to hold your farts in
Miss Britney Kneecap
Tip for those in relationships: If you have Mexican for dinner, never EVER let him follow you to the bathroom. You will be sorry.... and so will he.