|1.||Tarp Your Load|
Originally a sign along the highway to remind gardeners to cover the brush in their pickup on the way to the dump. Has come to mean to tell someone to stop complaining
"My knees and hips hurt when I run, and I am thirsty and sunburned"
"OMG, Tarp your Load"
|2.||Swim team girls|
Girls that for some strange reason believe they are cool, yet they are in fact exactly the opposite.
They believe in grouping together and performing shaving rituals with each other without feeling like a dumbass and usually give each other bikini waxes.
They usually think they are hot, but usually are covered in a mass-spread of acne.
Swim Team Girls usually believe they are funny too, but quite the contrary they lock people in verbal handcuffs until they strangle themselves to death.
In contrast and conclusion Swim Team Girls pretend to text people all the time like they have friends when instead they are texting themselves just to look cool and attempt to impress people.
Guy 1: Hey look at that girl I think she is on the swim team, yea she is on her phone texting.
Guy 2: Nah I know her she is just texting herself to try and look cool.
Guy 1: OMFG you can't even see that swim team girls face she has so much face acne.
Guy 2: *barfs*
Swim Team Girl 1: Hey girl, make sure you show up early to our shaving party tonight! There's going to be food, fun, and razors!
Swim Team Girl 2: Oh yea! I want to get a brazilian wax!
the act of throwing a drumstick through a window and having it land perfectly into your partner's butthole, preferably while swimming.
"We wanted to try an alabama hot pocket but instead we opted for a tasty davenport doughnut."
Skye Newton is a beaut. She is a Tumblr godess who likes to eat out fish testicles and suck on some healthy cavair. If you catch a Skye Newton in the act of fishing, she will beat you and push you and drown you in some delicious applesauce. You could possibly eat your way out of it unless you are having a bad day then she will change the applesauce into steel. She loves eating anchors and swimming with sharks, until they try to eat her then she kills them with her lazer vision. She will kill you if you use the word "shant" while looking through a microscope by throwing a billion peaches at you. She's quite the slut.
She is throwing peaches at her? She's a Skye Newton!
She is Tumblr Famous? She's such a Skye...!
She's flirting with every person in the world? Whatta Skye... SMH!
The closest thing to Texas you are going to get in California. Rent here is one the cheapest in California. Land is very affordable here.more...
It is an hour and half away from Los Angeles and the Central Coast, and is thirty minutes to an hour away from the mountains.
It's boring as fuck unless you like riding dirtbikes, farms, oilfields, 4-wheeling, going to concerts, shows, the Kern county fair, swimming, drinking, or doing drugs.
High quality Methamphetamine can be found in any trailer park and is a very popular drug of choice here. It has the same air quality as Los Angeles, can get up to 110 degrees during the summer, and has the highest rate of teen pregnancy and STDs in the country.
Girls are hot here but they get around like hula hoops and will get pregnant and have your kids to receive welfare benefits and child support.
Liberty High, Stockdale High, Centennial High, Garces, and Bakersfield High are the best high schools here.
Colleges are Bakersfield College and Cal State University of Bakersfield where Tito Ortiz went to.
Best neighborhoods to live in Bakersfield is in the Northwest and Northeast.
Neighborhoods you want to stay far away from is Oildale and neighborhoods near and/or on Cottonwood road and Martin Luther King Blvd.
Gangs here consist of various sets of Crips that roll deep as fuck claim East Side, country boy Crips on the South Side, and West Side Crips. Bloods are few in number. Peckerwoods are in Oildale.
|6.||Special Pizza Delivery|
A special pizza delivery is when a man goes over to a womans house to have sex with her. But just incase her husband is home he dresses up as a pizza delivery boy so that he can pretend that it is just a pizza order.
There is also another type where the same thing happens but instead of trying to get away with it, he try's to start a threesome with the married couple and then have pizza after.
"...OK, I'm coming over. Should I wear my Special Pizza Delivery outfit, just incase your husband comes back from his sycrinised swimming class?"
|7.||chuck norris:the real definition|
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.more...
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacifi...