Everyone knows Janice. Janice is the volunteer hall monitor for the world. Don't you know nothing would get done around here without Janice? The world owes Janice a favor without even realizing it, and Janice loves it that way. Janice is the woman in your office who never smiles, even if you just paid her a compliment while a baby coos at her. Janice is too BUSY to smile, because Janice spends all her time covering for all of your sorry asses. Janice sends out mass emails about how if people don't remove their things from the office kitchen by Friday, Janice will throw them away, even though no one has given Janice this authority. Janice likes to come to your desk while you're on the phone, wave a manila folder full of things you didn't request in front of your face and sigh, "You're welcome." Janice bought a birthday card for a co-worker you don't know and signed your name for you. "You probably forgot Barb's birthday is today. I signed your name. You're welcome." Janice isn't smug or put-upon so much as she's a invigorated martyr, in incredibly sensible shoes. You wouldn't know know about that; you always wear those heels. Well, Janice did that when she was younger and it messed up her feet and it'll mess up yours too. Don't think it won't! Janice can give you the number for her orthopedist. You're welcome.
Oh my god, Karen won't let me order a new stapler. Who does she think she is? The Janice-of-Office-Supplies??