3 definitions by una chica fantastica

Top Definition
When you're horny enough, what you do when you're too chicken or virginal to grab a partner to do it with you. Can be simple or complex; depending on how horny or depraved you are.

Guys: stroke their penis.
Girls: rub their clitoris in a circular motion, or stick various objects inside themselves.

Guys usually find masturbation through friends, whereas girls tend to find it on their own.
Guy: Ahhh. Playboy.
Girl: Ahhh. Porn and cyber sex.

Guy: Oooh... oooh... wow, those boobs are HUGE... (mentally: Damn, why can't I get a girl? Oh well, I'll masturbate) whoa... (slips hands into pants)... yeah... yeah... (strokes himself)...holy shit, she's hot... whoa... (comes) Ahhh. Satisfaction.
Girl: Wait, she does what? (aroused) He sticks his... oh... (fantasizes about opening door and grabbing boy next door but knows she is only a virgin... Sex can wait, masturbate!)... he flips up her skirt... sucks on her breast...ahh... (slips one hand under blouse, other inside underwear)...omigosh, he's eating her out...(strokes her clitoris in a slow circular motion)... Wow! Wow! (picks up speed) Omigosh, this is so hot! (moans) Oh... (screams expletives in ecstasy)... ahh...ah...(explodes in pleasure) Ahhh. (sticks finder inside for good measure, then pulls it out and smiles in bliss)
by una chica fantastica January 04, 2006

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Hey, I'm no huge feminist at all, but some of these definitions are pretty bad. We often do a hell of a lot more than you guys can. Yeah, I know this is overused, but how'd you like pushing a human being out of your body?
However, I do completely agree on a few things. I can bleed, push a baby out of my body, nurse, and pour boiling hot wax on my legs and rip the hair off, but yes - I am terrified of spiders. They scare the frigging shit out of me.
And I can be incredibly illogical, conniving, manipulative, and spoiled into getting what I want, including the occasional abrupt shift in mood. But not that y'all don't have your freaky quirks as well. You guys are weird, annoying, and you're WAY too hung up on ESPN.

But that one about rape was sick and unfunny. How do you report that?

By the way, everyone, Happy 2006! Yeah, whatever.It's 3 a.m. and I'm here.
Mood-swing woman

Other woman: I'm so happy!
Woman: Really! Well I'm glad -
Other woman: Shut up.

Women's tolerance

Other woman's husband later that night:Honey, can you make me a four-course meal?
Other woman: Sure.
Other woman's husband: Honey, can you drive forty miles and get me some wine?
Other woman: Sure.
Other woman's husband: Oh, and honey, can you get me some applesauce?
Other woman: Get your own damn sauce!

Men's stupidities

Woman: Honey, can I have some earrings at Tiffanys?
Woman's Husband: Sure, darling.
Woman: Honey, can I have a purse at Prada?
Woman's Husband: Sure, darling.
Woman: Honey, can I spend all the money you've ever worked in your entire life and decorate my car in six-carat diamonds?
Woman's Husband: Sure, darling.
Woman: Honey, can I cut off ESPN?
Woman's Husband: Get the hell out of here, you evil bitch!
by una chica fantastica January 01, 2006

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You stupid FUCKERS on this site need to get a damn life!
It's not "surprise sex" or "something only whiny bitches don't like." Rape is one of the most harrowing, terrifying, and even deadly (when violent, which it often is) experiences a woman - or a man - could experience. All at the hands of an evil person obsessed with power and cruel intentions.
Which fucking sadistic, evil, sonofabitch retard AGREES with rape? Why is it that pratically every time someone here says that rape is a horrible, terrifying, and heartrending crime - which it absolutely is - you stupid assholes give it a thumbs down?
well, you're all retarded, sick, and disgusting fuckers, because HALF OF YOU ARE 13 YEARS OLD!!! GET A FUCKING LIFE!!! You have no idea WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!! So shut up, because most of you have never raped a girl in your life, are too scared to do so, will never do so, and just want to pretend on an interent that no one knows or cares who the fucking hell you are, that you're macho, cool, strong, and greater than women. Well, I have news for you. Your penis is FOUR INCHES LONG!!! SO SHUT THE HELL UP!
And for all you sadistic, evil, cruel, lewd, despicable, repulsive, mentally unbalanced DICKHEADS, who actually DO rape people and ENJOY it, then I wish you the worst possible death there is, and that it will occur in the next 2 hours. Because the sooner you fry and writhe in the utter wrath of hell, the better.
and for all you men and women out there against rape, then good for you. women, be strong, careful, (kick him in the balls) and alert (but not paranoid). If it's ever happened to you, REPORT IT, no matter what they say, and SEEK THERAPY. men, apparently, you're confident enough in your own masculinity to not have to prove it to a helpless woman. good for you.
and for all you guys/girls who refer to it as being badly beaten (e.g: "Dang, that test was HARD! Man, I got RAPED!"), then you're fuckers for making light of such a horrible thing, but I'm not mad at you. most all of us are fuckers, anyway.
Fucker: Yo, dude, it was so awesome. There was this really hot chick at the club last night and I took her into my car and I'm like "Let's do it." But she's all like "No." So I'm all like "Oh well," and I RAPED her.
Sensible male: Wow. You're a dick. (Walks away.)

(3 months later)

Sensible male: Hehe. You're such a dick.
Fucker: Well, what kind of fruity stands up for women? YOU'RE the dick.
Sensible male: Well, see, I'm going out with a really hot chick who actually WANTS to have sex with me, while you're locked up in a jail cell getting your ass whooped and your throat slit for the next ten years. So WHO'S THE DICK NOW??? (Hot girl walks up to him, smiling sweetly, and they walk off happily)
(Big burly guy with a tongue ring walks up and beats the shit out of Fucker.)
Fucker: (bruised and beaten) Damn.
by una chica fantastica January 01, 2006

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