Count chocula is possibly the most wonderful thing that has ever been invented, packaged, and sold to the general public. Crunchy, delightful, delicious, it is the only thing that keeps me alive.
i love count chocula
a. Something that I say way too much, being that I'm a girl.
b. a less polite way of saying, "I abort this mission" or "this is stupid, why are we wasting our time?" or simply "this is retarded"
My Dad: "FOR THE LAST TIME GET YOUR HOMEWORK DONE!"
Me: "Fuck this shit. I have better things to do."
the most hysterical TV show in the world. It's this crazy old lady who must be like, 40 million years old, and she gives people advice on their sexual problems, or answers questions she has. She gives you her personal opinion on which sex toys are best, and sometimes when she's telling someone how a certain position works, she uses these posable dolls. SO FUCKING FUNNY!!! The best show to watch when there's nothing else on.
You will die of laughter when you hear how serious sue says the word "clitoris," "rim job," and so on. Its on at 11pm on Fridays @ Oxygen. WATCH IT!
How do you keep four blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down. That's pretty funny.
Son: Dad, everyone in my class is talking about vaginas, but I don't get it. What do they look like?
Dad: Well son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose.
Son: So what does it look like after sex?
Dad: Hmm...Lemme put it this way...have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonaise?
A husband said to his wife, "Honey, can I take a picture of your breasts so I can see them whenever I want?" And the wife replied, "Yeah, sure. But then I get to take a picture of your shlong so I can get it enlarged."
*NEWSFLASH* Snow White was chucked out of Disney World. She reportedly pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and said, "LIE BASTARD, LIE"
So a guy is walking down the street and he sees a sign outside a bar that says, "Pianist Wanted." The guy goes into the bar and says, "Hi, I saw the sign outside your bar." The owner says, "Oh yes. Can you play piano?" The guy says, "Well, I haven't played in a few years, but I used to be quite good at it." The owner gestures to a piano in the corner and says, "Show me what you can do." The guy goes over and starts to play the most beautiful piece that the bar owner has ever heard. When he's finished the owner says, "That was so amazing. What is it called?" The guy says, "Oh, it's called Your Mom Is A Big Fat Slut. I wrote it myself." The owner is a little weirded out, but says, "Okay, whatever. What else can you play?" The guy begins to play another song. This one is even more beautiful than the other one, and by the end the owner feels his eyes tearing. He says, "That is so impressive." The guy says, "Thank you. It's called Your Sister Slept With The Football Team. I wrote it myself" After a bit of thinking, the owner says, "Well, you get the job. Come around tonight, and just do your thing. People will request songs, but you just have to remember NOT to tell them the title of the song."
So the guy goes home, and at 8pm, he dons his old tux. However, because he hasn't worn it in a while, and he's gained some weight over the years, he can only fit into it if he isn't wearing underwear. But no matter, he goes to the bar.
While he's walking there, he realizes that he dropped his money, so he bends down to pick it up. What he doesn't realize though, is that when he bends over, his pants split open.
So now he's in the bar, and everyone loves his piano skills. Then some chick comes up to him and says, "Hey guy, do you know your fat hairy balls are showing?" The guy looks up and smiles proudly, saying, "Oh yes! I wrote it myself!"
funny jokes are something that someone tells and everyone else pretends to laugh at.
If you are absolutely sick of talking to teachers, these sentences are the only ones you will ever need to say to them to keep them happy.
- I dunno.
- Can I go to the bathroom?
Use it in the right context and you're saved!
"Have you been listening to the lesson at all?"
"Then, for the fourth time, what is the answer to the question on the board?!"
"You obviously haven't been listening. Do I need to send you to the principal's office?"
"What am I going to do with you? You are such a troublesome student..."
"Can I go to the bathroom?"