127 definitions by thewesthamfan

cock splint

penis splint; usually consisting of four spatulas arranged equidistant and parallel to the penis, thus encompassing it. this is held in place with a binding of clear plaster.

on her wedding night victoria threw aside the covers and said, "look david, this bearded oyster has never been seen or touched by a man." "that's nothing" replied david, opening his dressing gown to expose his cock splint, "look, this is still boxed!."

by thewesthamfan November 13, 2003

lino

1. an abbr. of linoleum, the floor covering.
2. the linesman in soccer

1. ers next door looks really posh now. she's got rid of the old beer cans and done it all up wiv lino.
2. darren "oi, lino, what's wrong wiv you? E was never offside."
dave "bring on stevie wonder!"

by thewesthamfan December 26, 2003

incuntinent

a medical condition causing one to urinate instead of ejaculate during sexual intercourse

spicer was getting really fed up with dave. she thought he was taking the piss not realising he was incuntinent

by thewesthamfan December 26, 2003

prehensile clitoris

a clitoris that can grip objects. a.k.a. PC

it's just a rumour that kylie can shuffle cards with her prehensile clitoris but she can pick up £50 notes.

by thewesthamfan November 18, 2003

cock sync

to be in perfect synchronisation with your sexual partner during intercourse, thrusting together in time.

"poor kevin" exclaimed sandra "he was so out of cock sync that it slipped out and damaged my right knee"

by thewesthamfan November 17, 2003

self pleasuring

masturbating oneself

the headmaster shouted "KEVIN! ARE YOU SELF PLEASURING YOURSELF AT THE BACK THERE!"
"no sir" kevin replied meekly " i'm just wanking.

by thewesthamfan December 9, 2003

spew up your ring

to vomit so violently that one anus nearly comes out of ones own mouth

look here Kevin, if that's your tenth donner kebab, you're definitely gonna spew up your ring!

by thewesthamfan November 3, 2003