The office handjob is the person in the office that you would feel comfortable only giving the most simplistic, almost brainless task, something that is very hard to screw up. This is not the same person as the office bj, which requires some skills and certainly a different comfort level with who can handle such a task. The handjob task , after all is really something you could do yourself, just fine, and actually often do, but it is always better when someone else does it. Right?
Jackson to Murphy: Dude, Kurt finally got me that Mitchell report and now the boss wants 200 copies of it. Fuck that shit, I'm not an admin.
Murphy: Give it to the office handjob, Kurt's buddy Alex, he'll take care of it for you.
Jackson: ah, good thinking. He did a job for me last month.
Sometimes done without knowledge of the participating parties but is actually a tactic used by two or more office employees trying to cover each others ass while also avoiding workloads while they are both out of the office. Working like a circular reference error, it is when two or more workers set up their out of office message referring another contact person in the event of any urgent or pressing matters ... only to taken when in fact they reach out to the other contact to find out he or she is also out of the office and is referring the orginal sender back to the original request
Boss : Smith, did you get that Mitchel report done yet?
Smith: Well, Jackson was working on it, I'll check in with him and let you know.
Later that day Smith to pal Phil: Damn that Jackson and Murphy, the f'd me again!
Phil: What they do?
Smith: They set up a circular out of office on me, and the boss is looking for that Mitchel report.
silent cry is a phenomenom mostly seen in small children, usually under the age of 6. It is the cry that is evoked by a child when they are in such extreme pain or agony (perhaps older sibling took a toy away) that they are screaming or crying so loud that it appears that nothing is coming out when in fact it is really so f'in loud it can not be heard by the adult ear. Occasionaly, a silent cry can be exhibited in an adult, which is hilarious. In the adult case it is usually brought about again by extreme pain, but not what you would expect. It is not a serious injury that causes, not life threatening, not to a major limb. No, in fact it usually involves fingers or toes being slammed in a door or stubbed on a hard object, a paper cut has even been known to draw the silent cry.
Jackson to Kurt: Dude, boss is still looking for that Mitchel report he asked for a week ago. If it's not in my hands tomorrow morning I will bitchslap you so hard you will be silent crying for a fucking week ... a fucking week!!!
Kurt: Sorry, man I'm on it.