3 definitions by tanstaafl

Top Definition
morg (n): 1. The Mormon Church based in Salt Lake City Utah 2. The collective membership of the Mormon Church.

Etymology: reference to the group-think mentality of members of the mormon church similar to the group-mind of the Borg Collective from Paramount's Star Trek series. Both the Borg and the Morg are collectives attempting to conquer (baptise in the case of the morg) and assimilate every culture they come in contact with.
The Morg claims that they have over 500,000 members in Chile, but a recent census revealed that only 100,000 actually consider themselves mormon.
by tanstaafl September 30, 2003
Joe Smith was a failed con-man who finally succeeded by fooling people into believing that he found some gold plates with a record of the ancient inhabitants of the Americas in the ground and "translated" them by sticking his head in his hat and having the words magically appear. When he was unable to sell his "book" he founded a religion the mormons, because much to his surprise, many people actually bought his crazy story. (Mormons are also known collectively as the morg)

Despite a life of crime and sexual liasons with the children (some as young as 14) and the wives of his followers, he succeeded in gathering several thousand followers and founded a city in Illinois where he, as mayor, was able to escape justice from all the crimes he had committed in Missouri and Ohio. But after his sexual liasons with teenagers and other mens wives exposed in a newly founded newspaper, he ordered it destroyed and committed treason against the U.S. by ordering his private militia in to action. While awaiting trial on the treason charges he ordered his militia to come and break him out of jail, but the messenger he sent refused to join him in his treasonous acts. He was killed in a gun battle with a vigilante mob, but mormons claim he managed to kill 2 of the vigilantes.

Because of Joseph Smith's penchant for abusing his power to fuck the teenage daughters of his followers, a married middle-aged man who uses a position of power to fuck a teenager is Joseph Smithing.
Did you hear Mr. Toolman, the girls basketball coach got caught Joseph Smithing one of the girls on the team?
by tanstaafl October 08, 2004
A 19-21 year old man serving a mission for the Morg. He is not allowed to ever be out of the sight of his companion or to use his first name -- he must be called Elder (yes, I know he's only 19, strange huh.) He is not allowed to speak with his family or friends for the entire 2 years of his mission, although rumour has it that the Morg has lightened up their cult indoctrination practices and now allow the mishies to call home on xmas and mother's day.

He spends most of the time on his mission trying to sell the mormon religion to strangers. This is increasingly hard to do due to the fact that the internet has made the truth about mormonism so easy to discover. When he is not trying to find people to baptise into his cult and get them to pay 10-15% of their income to the Morg, he is trying to find a few moments of privacy from his companion. Why? Hey, you try going 2 years without sex OR whacking off, and you'll understand.
"Honey, will you get the door, I think it's those damn girlscouts selling cookies again." "Aww, shit, it's even worse, it's the mishies."
by tanstaafl October 01, 2003

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