9 definitions by stuntedmonk

Top Definition
NMP
Not my problem. Used in a really, derogatory, off hand way. Used to show that you really don't care. Almost a "I told you so" phrase.
You better go clean that shit up, it's NMP

I tried to tell you she was a ho, NMP.

NMP, you go find the money to pay the shark
by stuntedmonk April 11, 2007
The correct definition for this being the (Cockney) slang for face.
He got a punch right in the mooey, the cheeky...

also Taken from the film Nil by Mouth (1997)

"Never stopped him going to the pub, though. No, he was well enough to do that. Now, one day, right, he's staggering across the pub pissed from the night before. He's gone over, crunch, right on his mooey, like a fucking ironing board. His hooter's around here, his railings all over the fucking place."
by stuntedmonk April 11, 2007
Something that is fail safe, cannot lose. A deal that is sealed.
I tell you, we have this scam sorted, lock stock the whole nine yards.

The deal's done lock stock.

Security? You're looking at security, I'm the commandant, this is lock stock, I'm telling you.

by stuntedmonk April 11, 2007
Slang. Someone who is a 'mental' and subsequently talks to themselves.

Derived from people that speak on hands free and look like they are talking to themselves (as there is no one visibly present) but are in fact having a phone conversation.

The 'mentals' on the other hand, have the exact same conversation... but they ain't plugged in to no one!
.
Man that Penelope is hands free. I was on the bus the other day and she was there chewing her hand and talking to herself.

Poor old Billy ever since he caught his mum engaged in bukkake with the local football team and his dad then committed suicide and his pet dog got run over and his house got burnt down and he lost his arm in a chainsaw accident, has gone a bit handsfree. Man, I swear down, I saw him in the street the other day, shouting at himself.
by stuntedmonk January 07, 2008
A little bit strange, not quite right. Against the norm.

Also the feeling after having smoked marijuana; Jamaican derivative.
What is with your hair it looks kiffed.

That house/car/person looks kiffed.
by stuntedmonk January 21, 2007
To have diarrhea
Ah man, that dodgy Indian, I'm not going there, it always gives me the shit squiggles.

Have you been on a diet recently or have you just had the shit squiggles.

My Mrs cooked me dinner the other night. Fucking chicken wasn't cooked and I had the shit squiggles for days.
by stuntedmonk April 01, 2010
Liverpudlian slang. Often used as a nickname. Diesel sounds similar to "these will". Hence the slang translates to:
a: We call him 'Diesel'.

b: Diesel, what the fuck is that about?

a: Cos, you know, he has sticky fingers "Diesel do and diesel do". Man he'd steal his grandmothers fucking pension I tell you.
by stuntedmonk April 11, 2007

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