Convoy-cock. Military term describing the hard-on
you often get when you're in the back of an army lorry (or bus) rumbling down roads on your way to some military activity.
Jones, wipe that silly smile off your face!
Oh, fair one.
The fuck-factor is the unexpected,although sometimes inevitable hitch
or just the bad-luck part of for example,a plan.
The wifes'on nights,the kids are staying at grannies'.You ring your mistress, in ten minutes shes'there. Great dope, wonderful champagne unforgetable dirty, dirty,sex and my god "its half six already"..... bottles,dildoes, roaches, sperm stains..... NOTHING MUST BE FORGOTTEN!!!
Mistress out the door. Windows opened,dog-breath... done,tuna-fish willy.....ready for inspection..... THIS IS GOING TO WORK!!!!
(20 MINUTES LATER)
"Hi honey how'd work go?"
"Oh fine, but I gotta take a shower!"
"Sure babes', I'll put the coffee on".........(exit wife)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! YOU BASTARD, YOU FUCKING TWO TIMING LOW LIFE SON OF A BITCH!!!!Shit, babes what did I do????
Which brings me back to the fuck-factor.
IF YOUR MISTRESS USES A TAMPAX AND SHE DROPS ONE IN YOUR SHITTER ..... DON'T FORGET TO PULL THE CHAIN GUYS.
Army-barmy is when a squaddie
is so obsessed and in love with the army and military things in general that his entire life revolves around being cammed up
,and generally ready to mangle,strangle,stab,shoot or shag anything or anyone, with, and possibly without, a pulse.Not just being content to keep these awe-inspiring facts to himself he will persist in droning on for hours and hours about his impressive knowledge of the martial art thus boring shitless his family,friends and neighbours.The ROYAL MARINES and the PARA-REG are famous for this affliction.
My brother became army-barmy after joining the guards,his wife once told me (after we'd being shagging one day)that even on their honey-moon he'd insist on inspecting her feet for blisters before bed and in the morning he'd wake her up with bucket of cold water and an enthousiastic "Hands off cocks, on socks!"