Grab a love glove and drop a deuce into it. Now take the shit-filled prophylactic and put it in the freezer; preferably away from anything resembling a frozen treat. Once your poop-sicle is rock hard, the party begins. Bend your girl over and start screwing. Once you have a good rhythm going, ram that fecal dildo in her ass. You may or may not want to warn her. Lube is advised.
Before Ted violated is girlfriend with an Alaskan Pipeline, he yelled, "Big load of crude coming in!"