Old Lady Hayes tends to be a person under the age of 30 who feels around 78. They will complain of their bones hurting rather than admitting they have a hangover and chalk it up to being Old Lady Hayes. They can make children fall off their bikes with one good death stare. Things of this nature. An Old Lady Hayes can be spotted carrying a tumbler or flask of makers mark. And 9 times out of 10, a pall mall hanging from her lips while she tries to talk to you.