anything sounds cuter when said in a chipmunk voice
Weirdo with chipmunk voice: *sings* (drunkenly and off-key): Feeeeeel, the loove... Feeeel, the love,... in your butt!
Some chicks: *in unison* Aw, chipmunk voice!
Someone who's personal definition of reality, is stronger than the view of the general consensus. A reality tweaker is someone who percieves things correctly, but perhaps, neglects to hone in on the smaller details, that fill out the bigger picture, therein bending the facts to their own whims. It is impossible to get an accurate retelling of events from a reality tweaker, and it is difficult to convey common sense instructions, because many facts will be tweaked, and lost along the way. Never assume that a reality tweaker will understand the simplicity in what you are trying to convey. Reality tweakers are not dumb or retarded, and my surprise you ultimately by their ability to understand complex ideas as well. It is impossible to ever truely predict the actions of a reality tweaker.
Jean: Kyle what are you doing with that VHS tape?
Kyle: Well, my grandma gave me this video to watch, but I don't have a VCR, so I'm running it under the tap to soften it up so I can crack it open and watch the pictures inside. It's gonna be great!
Jean: There are no pictures inside, it's a magnetic strip!
Kyle: No, you see, the water will be polarized by the magnetic charge, and I'll run through the strip, then it'll get subliminally imprinted onto my brain, and I'll dream it next time I sleep. I've got it all figured out.
Jean: Reality Tweaker!
the mole paradox lies herein:
The mole is an incredibly cute furry animal that fills you with unbridled joy and makes you want to JUST eat it up.
The mole on a human being is a sign of disability, retardation, and witchcraft and induces vomiting. Hence the paradox lies in the conflict of emotion upon encountering examples of each of the aforementioned articles.
At the zoo I saw a girl petting a cute little mole, however, she had a huge mole square in the middle of her forehead, so I was faced with the mole paradox. I puked, and then I ate it.
A person with the compulsion to negate everything you say, either because they're pissed they didn't think of it first, their neurotic need to say something even if they have no idea what they're talking about, or simply because they carry the 'evil-gene'.
Me: I think it'd be great if people would revert to tribalism.
Evil-Incarnate: ...I think that'd be crap, think of all the disease and shit flowing through the streets.
Me: Hypothetically speaking it could work. We have modern knowledge and wisdom to make it work.
Evil-Incarnate: People are corrupt and it would be anarchy in a matter of weeks.
Me: Relax. I was just being whimiscal.
Evil-Incarnate: ...you mean, being immature.
Me: Why, neggy?
Evil-Incarnate: You suck.
The hardest thing in the world to rebel against.
Daughter: Mom, Dad, I'm going to go whore myself for drugs.
Dolphin Worshipping Athiest Parents: Allright, you might want to try showing a little thigh, dear.
Daughter: You're so lame. Like, folk-rock on!
a good tool for pushing crazed teenaged fangirls out of the way when going to see eclipse in theatres.
Eclipse is scheduled to be released in theatres June 20th. I must make sure I take my roulette rake with me as there is likely to be a lot of crazed teenaged fangirls.
The job application or resume that isn't chock loaded with outrageous lies and overglorified bullshit.
hands interviewer *the real resume*
Interviewer: It says here that you were 'the Big Chief' at 'Village Island', 'CEO' at 'Baumeister Confections' and 'Captain Charon' on the 'Triton Destroyer'?
Interviewee: That is correct.
Interviewer: Those are computer games, no?
Interviewee: That is correct.
Interviewer: Please leave.