One: The Suburbanite.
A kind, modestly curvy family girl who loves Judaism, her family, and the American Dream of a nice house
in the suburbs. She has frizzy hair (likely dark
brown/black), a prominent
but rarely gargantuan nose, and just enough junk in the trunk to suggest she bites a bagel
every once in a while. Well-educated but not intellectually cutting, she smiles sweetly and dishes
out the kugel to beaming grandparents and that awkward future-investment-banker 16-year-old at the table who can't wait
to settle down
in 10 years and marry her.Type
Two: The City Slicker
While perhaps similar
in appearance to the Suburbanite, there is also the Nice Jewish
Girl in denial, often living in NY or LA. She may seem to be the epitome of mainstream urban chic, but there is an excellent chance she went to Jewish
private school and/or Jewish summer
camp. She may have highlights, a nose job and a personal trainer, maybe even a goyfriend
(oy!), but she secretly yearns to settle down
and always gives
Bubbe a kiss on Sundays.Type
Three: The Zionist
This Nice Jewish
Girl is earthy, smelly, and hairy. More than an Israel supporter, the Type
Three NJG is full-blown Kosher Granola. She has long dark
hair which may have been styled into dreads at one point, she is a vegan, she experiments with the women
and closes her eyes
uneccessarily throughout her entire
version of a Hebrew service, which is somewhere between Prince of Egypt
and the Exorcist. This
NJG is pierced, political, and probably moving out to the kibbutz
for 10 years and counting.
Overriding Rule: Despite their differences in plastic surgery and sexual
preference, all Nice Jewish
Girls have defining physical characteristics and eventually make their parents happy. Shalom.
I saw that Carly Steinenbergenschwartzen yesterday at synagogue, she is such a Nice Jewish Girl.
You don't know Rebecca? Tall, dark-haired, Nice Jewish Girl...
Jacob, why don't you make me a happy Bubbe and marry a Nice Jewish Girl? That Sarah Gold is looking so svelte