4 definitions by offtheball

When you have "cyber sex" with someone in one massive wall of text, including all foreplay, sexual contact, and climax, without any input from the other party, and usually without invitation.
Jane: This guy messaged me on OkC. Didn't say hi, just started describing how he wanted to fuck me.

Laura: He cyberwanked at you? Gross!
by offtheball June 20, 2014
A standard unit of measurement equal to the amount of effort Hugh Hefner must put into acquiring new romantic interests.

Also useful for measuring the work done by an atomic nucleus on captured electrons, with a Hydrogen-1 atom exerting approximately 1.43 KHefforts per second.
Nerd 1: I wonder how much work it takes to lift this pebble from the ground up onto this wall? This seems like an interesting problem to occupy our superior minds!

Nerd 2: Not likely. The problem is so simple. Assuming a weight of thirty grams, and a height of approximately one meter, the answer clearly comes to 1.35 x 10^43 Hefforts.
by offtheball June 21, 2010
verb. To crean one's self:

To prematurely ejaculate in a political setting.
Did you see Simon Crean today? He totally creaned himself. Rudd was barely in the room!
by offtheball March 21, 2013
A sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I decided that, rather than long enough to get my clothes back on and risk a conversation, I'd take the drive of shame instead.
by offtheball June 02, 2009

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