A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees... This is not to be confused with Turd Burglar who is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open.
Dude, I just got Uncle Tedded real bad. I was trying to take a dump, and some dude was in there looking in the mirror for like 10 minutes. Finally, I just had to let it loose.
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. This should not be confused with an Uncle Ted.
So there I was, minding my own business in the crapper, when some dude came out of nowhere and Turd Burgled me. I started coughing hoping to alert him of my presence, but the Turd Burglar just wouldn't stop trying to get into the stall. Needless to say, it was a terrifying experience.