The only judge on American Idol that gives constructive critisism and an honest opinion. He's the entire reason for watching this show that was lame from the start. He wears tight black shirts (most of the time) and likes to tease Ryan Seacrest. That washed-up pop diva Paula Abdul is just one more punch on the arm away from getting Britishly bitchslapped by Mr. Cowell.
*No apologies to the American public are necessary.*
Simon Cowell: I hated it.
Paula: Oh, grow up! *punches Simon on the arm for the 50th time that episode*
Simon: THAT'S IT! *backhands Paula* Now you'll REALLY need those painkillers.