14 definitions by mike read

Top Definition
something for keeping milk in
nice jugs there, Daisy
by mike read August 13, 2003
your wife's mother. a terrifying insight into what awaits you in 25 years time.
the wife's mother came around yesterday. I knew it was her as soon as she knocked on the door: all the mice threw themselvess onto the traps.
by mike read August 13, 2003
lit. from the French meaning 'double meaning.' a phrase or saying that has another connotation apart from the literal, almost always sexual in nature. A staple of the British 'carry on' series of films of thr 1960s and 70s, and the most excellent 'Bottom' TV show of the early 90s on the BBC
Eddie: Hang on, hang on hang on hang on. I've got your real present here.
Richie: It's a piece of paper. It is a small piece of paper.
Eddie: Read it.
Richie: "Madame Swish, three-thirty." Oh! Eddie! You haven't? Oh, what a pal you are. "Madame Swish". Ooh-err! Hohh, God, at last I'm really going to do it. And on my birthday as well! Ohhhggh, I wonder what she's like?
Eddie: She's a dead cert mate, a real stayer.
Richie:Really?
Eddie:Yeah, she'll come first.
Richie: What, before me? Good grief, that's quick. So she'll think I'm
great! Oh, what a pal you are! And it's all paid for?
Eddie: Um, not exactly, I need a tenner.
Richie: A tenner. Right. That's quite cheap, isn't it?
Eddie: Er, well, no, in that case it's a tenner each way.
Richie: Well, how many ways are there?
Eddie: Well, you'll come first, second or third, won't you?
Richie: Well how many people are going to be there?
Eddie: Well, a few thousand.
Richie: What?
Eddie: Well it's Kempton.
Richie:Kempton? I can't get down to Kempton by three-thirty!
Eddie: You don't have to mate, it'll be on the telly!
Richie: They're going to televise it? Well what if my auntie's watching?
Eddie: Well what's illegal about betting on a horse?
Richie: A horse?
Eddie: Yeah.
Richie: Madame Swish is, is, is a horse?
Eddie: Yeah! Well what did you think it was?
Richie: Oh no, nothing, nothing. Just checking.
Eddie:I have given you a red hot tip.
Richie: (looks at his crotch) I know, and there's nothing I can do about it now, is there!
by Mike Read April 17, 2004
Someone from London, usually second hand car salesmen, who read the sun newspaper, call all women " dawlin' " (trans: darling) and general ponce about the place like they are something special.
Cor Blimey Guvnah, I'm a cockney wanker, and no mistake!
by Mike Read July 27, 2003
someone who, bizarely, wishes they were a Cockney when they aren't one. Even more annoying than a cockney wanker since the latter can't help it, but a mockney is so by choice.
That Jamie Oliver is a right mockney wanker
by Mike Read July 27, 2003
either something you do to a salad, or another word for wanking. or wanking into a salad.
jamie oliver said "it's been a good night's tossing once again, guvnah."
by mike read August 07, 2003
catchphrase of your average cockney wanker
cor blimey arthur, aren't you garring (trans: going) dahn va car lot?
by mike read August 07, 2003

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