A miserable, ugly Greek bloke who works as a bouncer at a gay bar and constantly feels sorry for himself. He walks around the house saying "Oh dear!" over and over.
Poor Theo sounds really upset. What's wrong? Has his best friend died?
No, he's feeling suicidal because he overcooked his fried eggs.
The vilest, sickliest and cheapest contents of a Snufbag. Officially classed as food but should never be consumed by humans. Ethiopians have been known to turn their noses up at these foul creations, choosing starvation instead.
Mickus: What's in this week's Snufbag?
Mum: A bag of crisps and 18 packets of Hill biscuits.
Mickus: OK, throw me the crisps and shove the shit down the bog where it belongs.
The flaming homosexual's response when someone says "I feel like I've run a marathon".
Exhausted person: I feel like I've run a marathon.
Shirtlifter: Its called Snickers now, Lovey!
A clapped-out white van driven by miserable little security guards. These vehicles are filthy and frequently break down. The fat driver will often try to save a parking place for himself by putting a traffic cone in the road outside his house. This annoying practice is best dealt with by rescuing the cone from the fat guy's possession and installing it in the back of a Maltby lorry two streets away.
What do you call a toilet on wheels?
A Pork Scotch van.
Ironic name for a tedious individual who believes himself to be the most interesting thing around. Mr Interestings tend to be fat security guards with ugly girlfriends. They drone on and on about the most inconsequential things and expect their audience to be rivetted.
Oh shit, here comes Mr Interesting.
And his repulsive girlfriend.
Let's run before they collar us. Once that boring bastard starts talking we can kiss goodbye to the whole fucking week.
A little fat security guard with a gay moustache. Drives a shitty white van and likes to go out with wrinkly drag queens. Probably the most boring man on Earth, definitely the ugliest.
Who's the repulsive fat guy with Goofy Granny?
That be Fishy MacSwell, the most boring bastard on God's Earth.
A walkie-talkie carried by fat security guards.
Hey look at the fat guy with the walkie-talkie!
I think you'll find that's a porky-talkie. They're especially for fat ugly security guards like Pork Scotch.