13 definitions by loveboat

Top Definition
noun.

1. A person who resides in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

2. A gracious and tolerant sort of guy or gal who listens with Herculean patience and nothing but a sad sigh now and then as every ill-educated sheep-shagger, penniless cod-kisser, sexually confused lumberjack and soulless oil tycoon befouling the rest of the country badmouths him tirelessly because they don't have half the cool shit that he does.

3. A person who starts feeling suicidal every year around the time of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

4. Someone who pays fully half of their income in taxes so that a bunch of miserable ingrates living in shacks can spend half the year on the dole, scratching their Molson muscles and bitching about how much they hate Torontonians.

5. A person who can find everything she needs within a twenty-minute walk or bike-ride from her front door.

6. A resident of the 416 area code, but mercifully not of the 905.

7. Someone who is too polite to tell his best friend, who lives in Vancouver, that, 'No, frankly I really don't wish I lived in Vancouver. Not everyone on the whole fucking planet wants to live in Vancouver, for Christ's sake. Besides, your whole goddamned drug-infested city's going to slide into the ocean some day, be it global warming, act of heavenly retribution, or one tremendous motherfucking earthquake. So there.'
Albertan: Torontonians are a bunch of Jesus-hating faggots. We should separate from Canada to get away from them.

Quebecker: Torontonians are a bunch of money-hungry conservatives. We should separate from Canada to get away from them.

Newfoundlander: Torontonians are a bunch of self-centred arses. We should separate from Canada to get away from them

Torontonian: I wish all those fucking leeches would separate from Canada so that I wouldn't have to pay for all their goddamned cigarettes and health care any more.
by loveboat April 01, 2007
A university located in London, Ontario, Canada. The University of Western Ontario, commonly known as either Western or UWO, was founded in 1878 and is thus one of the oldest universities in Canada.

Western's student body is famous in Canada for being made up of a bunch of spoiled rich kids who have particularly poor academic abilities, though the university seems to labour under the delusion that it is somehow "Ivy League".

The typical Western student is a fabulously dumb blond boy or girl who says 'like' at least three times per sentence, and hangs out at one of the lame-ass bars on Richmond Street (especially The Ceeps or Jim Bob Ray's) every night getting wasted and breaking into fistfights over scarce cabs once the bars close. They also refuse to wear coats even when the weather is minus 40 degrees, because a coat would cover up their stuffed booby cleavage or obscure their tiny little gym pecs.
Jenn: I couldn't, like, get into the University of Toronto, so, like, I guess I'll go to Western. Yaaaaay!!!!

Bryce the frat boy: Hey bro, I go to The University of Western Ontario because it's the only school in Canada where the girls are dumb enough to have sex with me.
by loveboat March 26, 2007
Also known as a 'fanny pack'.

A fag bag is a zippered pouch that is worn strapped around a person's waist and is used for carrying small personal items. It came to be called a fag bag because the uglier, fatter and nerdier members of the gay community, hoping to be picked up for sex, would strap them on and wear them to gay pride parades and other big events as an 'overnight bag', a method of carrying around a toothbrush, hair products, condoms and poppers for eventual use. The problem was that no self-respecting fag would ever have sex with someone who'd wear an ugly, shapeless sack over his ass, so the item eventually fell out of favour. It is now worn only by aging rocker chicks to Rolling Stones concerts as a hands-free method of carrying weed, rolling papers and sanitary napkins.

Not to be confused with the 'man purse', or 'murse' a usually plain-leather, larger version of a woman's purse intended to be carried by a strap over the shoulder of a man.
In my fag bag I've got duct tape, latex gloves, date rape pills, handcuffs and a stick of gum. What's in yours?
by loveboat March 22, 2007
n.
1. a small city in Southwestern Ontario on the U.S./Canada border, located across the St. Clair River from Port Huron, Michigan.

2. smells like burning ass hair, cancer and desperation.

3. inhabited by Chemical Valley Girls, a race of super-mutants who wear acid washed jeans and comb the dark night for lost babies and feral cats to feast on.

4. bingo, menthol cigarette, chlamydia and teen pregnancy capital of Canada.
Meredith: Let's go to Sarnia!
Bill: Let's back the truck over our heads instead!
Meredith: Okay!
by loveboat April 02, 2007
Toronto is the largest city in Canada and for many decades now has been the nation's economic and cultural capital. Since the population of Canada outside of Southern Ontario, Greater Montreal and British Columbia's Lower Mainland is made up of far-away pockets of isolated people who only leave the clammy warmth of their squalid kitchens for four months out of the year (June to September), most forest-dwelling, coal-mining, hayseed Canadians harbour a profound and innate hatred for Toronto because:

a) if you were so inclined, you could dine on a different ethnic cuisine every day for a year, prepared by people who know what they're doing;
b) lots of cool and smart gay people live there;
c) the city is unabashedly liberal-minded and hates hypocritical bigots;
d) new and innovative cultural experiences are created every day by a thriving arts scene in the city's beautiful and unique neighbourhoods;
e) Toronto has for a very long time funded all the welfare bums and 'seasonal workers' who live in most of the rest of the country; these ingrates have always been jealous and resentful of the hand that feeds them;
f) after being supported by Toronto for decades, Alberta suddenly has lots of oil money, and we all know how the garish nouveau-riche like to treat their cultural superiors - with snide contempt and petty insults; Albertans are the only people on earth who worship Idaho as their ideal model society, and the only people outside of Texas who think George Bush is Jesus's emissary on earth;
g) Montreal has been economically and culturally stagnant since the 70's and the city has watched all its jobs, artists and companies relocate to Toronto; even Celine Dion started putting out English-language albums and then left them for Vegas; at least Montreal still has poutine prepared hundreds of different ways and chain-smoking separatists who dream of their gun-toting terrorist heydays in the seventies;
h) Vancouverites think the sun shines out of their asses, which is a good thing because it certainly doesn't shine over their city; most cities have a 'wrong side of the tracks', but in Vancouver you'll see track marks up the arms of half its citizens; yay, disease-infested crackwhores for all!
i) Toronto is one of the most enjoyable, relaxed and livable cities on earth, and the people are friendly, open-minded, beautiful and a lot of fucking fun.

Alas, for these reasons and more it isn't a surprise to anyone from Toronto when they see idiots from the rest of Canada slag their city to anyone who is either dumb or confused enough to give them the time of day.
Canadian fuckfaces who love to sit around and slag Toronto all day can get off their fat welfare asses and kiss my royal hemorrhoids.
by loveboat March 22, 2007
n. a type of casual pant made of denim put through a chemical process which strips most of the colour off, leaving marbled navy-blue streaks on a white background. Acid washed clothing was a must-have fashion accessory in the late 80s, when both jean pants and jackets were worn together for maximum effect.

Acid washed jeans quickly went out of style in the early 90s, but that didn't stop tacky people in Sarnia Ontario and a few other cultural backwaters around North America from wearing them well into the new millenium. Tight acid washed jeans with elastic waists and zip-up ankles can still be seen worn with big ff hair, spike high-heels and shock-makeup at monster truck rallies, dirt-bike races, mega-church flea markets and malls in certain parts of Florida, Southwestern Ontario, Upstate New York, Mexico and most of Alberta.
Woman in mid-forties named Sherry at a smash-up derby near Effingham, Illinois: (in voice thick with menthol cigarettes and bum wine) "Go Ricky! Smash that goddamned motherfuckin' Buick, baby! You're makin' mamma cream her acid washed jeans! Yeaaaahhh!"

Guy named Bobo on a native reserve in Northern Manitoba: Jeez, it's me lucky day! Some-un threw away a perfectly good acid-washed jean jacket! Mine, now, eeee! I'll wear this fucker moose huntin' and all the guys'll be right jealous!
by loveboat March 28, 2007
noun.

A typically popular figure or 'celebrity' within the Roman Catholic religion who has been granted fast-tracked or expedited 'sainthood' by the Vatican.

The recent practice of producing and promoting 'instant saints' reveals the intention of the RC Church to maintain some form of relevance within a celebrity-obsessed and mediated culture, by abandoning its traditional practice of spending decades or even centuries of careful reflection, investigation and debate upon the worthiness or truth of an individual's potential 'saintliness', and instead proclaming a popular individual as a 'saint' mere months after his or her death while the media spotlight still burns brightly on that figure.

The phrase 'instant saint' is reminiscent of convenience food products such as 'instant rice' which is formulated to be cooked in a fraction of the time of traditional rice; and of 'instant stars', celebrities whose popularity was orchestrated by a big-budget marketing and promotional team instead of by submission to the trials of long-term public scrutiny.

A mere two years after his death, Pope John Paul II is likely to become the world's first instant saint, meaning that the Catholic Church believes it has irrefutable proof he has performed at least two miracles. Not just great works, but actual fucking miracles. We're talking loaves and fishes, walking on water, heavy shit like that, folks! Cue the Twilight Zone theme song.

If Mother Teresa had performed one more magic trick, she'd have been an instant saint, too. Instead she'll have to settle for beatification. This means that in saintly terms she's a bit of a pussy. (At least until one more zealot comes forward and claims to have been 'healed' of cancer by magic beams of light emanating from a photo of the wrinkly little, blue striped towel-wearing troll.)
In an age of instant saints, sainthood just ain't what it used to be. - Saint Joan of Arc

Instant saint? Then what was with all those fucking arrows, you dickwads? - Saint Sebastian
by loveboat April 03, 2007

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