A nonexistent girlfriend (not that internet service schtick). I have one of these. The pros far outway the cons. No dates to remember, no birthdays, so you can basically be a slob and get away with it. If you give her some interesting problems, she'll really be 3 dimensional. Mine's a kleptomaniac and a narcissist.
Mom: Where are all your pens?
Me: Bonnie must have stolen them.
Mom: Who the hell's Bonnie?
A country smart enough to use the press and psychological victories to beat the American military.
America loss the war in Vietnam because they didn't realize they were fighting a relatively unmodernized country
A day clouded by the wonderful effects of heroin. Also a Lou Reed song.
I'm having a perfect day today, at least til the smack wears off.
Someone who is probably never gonna get laid.
Guys like me always come in second
Sexual position used when you find a frozen caveman, defrost him and have sex with him.
The Rock and Tumble is on a reel in the cutting room floor of a geico commercial.
February 13, 2005
a sexual position so mysterious, that after using it, you wake off the jersey turnpike with a sundress on. it is a very dangerous thing to attempt.
I remember the last time I gave my girlfriend the ole double handed booty slammer. It took me a month to hitchhike home.
February 12, 2005
Noun - Happiness; ability to look on the bright side of life
Can also be used as an Interjection
"He was beginning to lose his shpadoinkle"