Canadium (chemical symbol "Eh") is the lost 119th element on the Periodic Table of Elements. Canadium is similar in composition to gold, however it is not as pretty. Canadium is a shade of fluorescent beige, which helps contribute to the boringness of Canada. Canadium is also radioactive by nature, which is the leading cause of birth defects in Canada. This sacred element is said to make up as much as 34.2% of the land mass of Canada (with key areas in Manitoba and Nova Scotia). Once mined and processed, Canadium is said to be worth well over $12,341.98 an ounce, which seems to explain why Canada is very well off yet does nothing important. Canadium mining accounts for 12% of employment in Canada, and whole towns have sprung up around Canadium mines (see Ontario and Ottawa). According to News Week, there have been talks in the US Army of invading Canada to mine it's valuable Canadium resources, but such a plan has yet to be finalized. It has been said that Canadium also possesses the ability to produce poutine on command, make a health care genie appear, and in high enough quantities, can even cause the IQ of foreigners to drop down to a level that is on par with the average Canadian.
Karen: "Hey Bill, I found a lump of Canadium in the garden today!"
? Wow Karen, this specimen looks to be worth well over 130,000 Canadian Dollars! We can finally buy that new pack of chewing gum we have been so keen on purchasing!"
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