10 definitions by kellybex

Top Definition
It’s the woman who is just trying too hard. She’s seen way too much sun in her life. Her skin is like an old piece of luggage. Her hair is over-processed, usually way too blonde. The hair is almost always a bit big. Her nails are usually long and acrylic, sporting the Carmela Soprano french mani. Her clothes are just a tad too snug. She has her boobs on display, with a wrinkled, freckly chest exposed. There are rhinestones. Perhaps an ankle bracelet. Occasionally said anklet may be seen over/under suntan colored panty hose. You can tell she’s been around the block, so to speak. She’s lived hard. Lots of booze. She’s a bit puffy in the face. She’s got her cocktail and she’s laughing a bit too loud.
"I need to put some more SPF 50 on...don't want to look like an Old Whore."

"Wow, she used to be so pretty...now she just looks like an Old Whore."

"Yikes, who's the Old Whore sporting those Daisy Dukes? So inappropriate."

"Mom's Bunko group is going on a cruise. It's gonna be Old Whore City."
by kellybex July 15, 2009
A cougwhore is a woman who *thinks* she is a cougar but is actually just an Old Whore.
"Dude, way too many cougwhores down at the Harbor tonight."

"Does this ankle bracelet make me look like a cougwhore?

"Guess I should get my brassy blonde hair toned down. Don't wanna look like a cougwhore at Happy Hour"
by kellybex July 15, 2009
the intense orgasm had after doing something very slutty...
"I know I shouldn't have cheated on Ted...but I had such a whoregasm w/Rob..."


"I felt so slutty wearing that bondage outfit but WOW - what a whoregasm!"
by kellybex September 01, 2009
The mani/pedis, the highlights, workouts, facials, waxing, botox, etc. that keep Cougars 'in the hunt.' Otherwise, without said Cougar Maintenance, the Cougar risks looking like an Old Whore.
"Where's Tina today? Oh, she had to go for some Cougar Maintenance at the spa."

"Did you see Rachel? Girlfriend better go do some Cougar Maintenance."
by kellybex November 19, 2009
This is the opposite of cougar maintenance. Someone with gray roots growing out, unwaxed brows and girly bits, bitten nails, etc. Not ready for the Hunt!
Oh no, Hope! We're going to that party tonight and you have Cougar Mange. You better get that business taken care of fast!

Can you believe that Kathie showed up here with Cougar Mange? Someone get her to the salon asap!
by kellybex December 14, 2009
Place where there are lots of available women.
"Dude, how was the action in Dewey?" "Awesome, it was like a Festival of Whores."
by kellybex July 20, 2009
This is the person at Church who knows all the priests and all the prayers...she judges you on when you arrive at mass and how loudly you pray...she sits in the front pew...she is the first to loudly say 'Good Morning, Father!' and the first in line for Communion.
"Nice of you at join us...Mass starts at 10:30, not 10:34. Hmph." she sniffed priestentiously.

"Oh, I had such a wonderful time talking w/Monsignor Tim and Father Joe at dinner. It's a shame you don't know them as well as I do."
by kellybex September 02, 2009
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