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16 definitions by israelhands09

 
1.
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
You: "Hey, wait here, I'mma go take a dump."

Friend: "Alright."

*5 minutes later*

Friend: "Dude..I was playing guitar with your amp and I noticed a parasitic capacitance between the output and the input, causing parasitic oscillation. So I really quickly soldered them a little further from eachother, so it shouldn't have any feedback anymore."

You: "Oh...uhhh... thanks?"

Friend: "Hey, I'm an engineer. It's what I do."
by Israelhands09 September 16, 2010
84 17
 
2.
Despite the good food, is the absolutely worst fucking place to work, in which the day you get canned (like I did) or quit, you'll be celebrating with tears of JOY.

WORD TO THE WISE, after making a blizzard, the collars get thrown in a dirty ass sink full of water that has nasty ass soggy candy pieces and melted ice-cream from previous collars. The very same collars that are used again a second later and contaminate the ice cream with shitty disgusting water.
Friend 1: "Yo, Jake! You know Bob got canned from Dairy Queen the other day?"

Friend 2: "No shizzle? Why?"

Friend 1: "Well, he told me his boss is a fat douche who didn't even like him from the start, so he found some lame excuse saying he doesn't feel Bob is committed to his job, just to give him the boot. Never seen Bob so happy in my life though."

Friend 2: "Daaaayaaamnnn that shit's nuts man."

Friend 1: "Word. I guess he was tired of cleaning shit off the toilet seats."
by IsraelHands09 November 30, 2010
72 29
 
3.
The one unwanted unworn pear of crusty jizz soaked feet-warmers found on the floor next to your computer's chassis. Used generally for emergency fap purposes when the girl's at work or too tired, or when you're single.
Hmm can't find any dish scrubbers. Guess I'll just use my fapsock to scrub the iron skillet.
by IsraelHands09 January 25, 2011
43 2
 
4.
is FINALLY F**KING DEAD!!!! WOOO!!!!
"Hey Joe, did you hear Osama Bin Laden was killed?"

Joe: "It's what you get for F**KING WITH AMERICA"
by IsraelHands09 May 02, 2011
46 12
 
5.
A division of Google, and nothing else but a bunch of thieves. They offer to advertise on your site, and give you a share of mulah, letting your money build up. Then at the apex of your financial glory, they disable your account and "refund your money to the affected advertisers." AKA, you get jewed. Typically, they send you an e-mail with a bullshit reason saying your account is generating a risk of invalid activity, which may "financially hurt" advertisers (as though it will even scratch their surfaces). Google even has the nerve to say "thank you for your patience and understanding". Users are typically offered appeal forms, however, at the risk of not getting reinstated (or reinstated, then cancelled again) it isn't usually worth it.
Some people who have been shut down by AdSense have lost upwards of $3,000. Don't believe me? Then Google NCC Archives 219 and see what these happy people had to say.
by IsraelHands09 November 30, 2011
34 2
 
6.
The act in which one consumes food whilst taking a dump, often because the individual is in a hurry and does not have the time to do both one at a time. Not to be confused with excrete.
"Shit I don't have time to eat this and take a dump! I need to get to class and take that exam. Guess it's time to excreat."

Further examples: College Students...me.
by IsraelHands09 October 06, 2010
30 3
 
7.
A highly addictive strategy based iPhone/Android game that has claimed the lives of millions.
"Dude, have you ever played Candy Crush?"

"Played it??? Bro, that game killed my uncle!"
by IsraelHands09 August 12, 2013
31 11