12 definitions by hiemlich schlonge

If you are giving your best friend or relative a blow job then you are to drunk to drive.
I told mom that the Redbank Breathilizer proved that she was to drunk to drive home. And now we have no money to pay for mom's funeral after paying for cousin Benny's penis re-attachment surgery.
by hiemlich schlonge February 22, 2010
The act of placing one's limp penis on the shoulder of an unsuspecting friend and saying "Polly wants a Cracker. another term for Mississippi Caterpillar. This can also be considered a clean way to do a Mississippi Mowhawk if the penis is placed up the unsucpecting person's head in the shape of a mohawk. I understand that Jimmy Buffet fans call this a Parrot Head gone wrong.
It was all fun and games until someone posted a video of Ryan Popping a Parrot on all the football players in the locker room before the game.
by hiemlich schlonge February 18, 2010
Licking the anus of a person whose hemorrhoids are bleeding.
Robbie had read about how much sexual stimulation that a woman can receive from having her anus licked and could not wait to try it on his 8 month pregnant wife Susan. When he got home from setting up the double-wide out in Swansea he found his wife bent over the bathtub giving little Susie a bath so he dropped to his knees and began to lick her where the sun don't shine. But her hemorrhoids were hanging out and bleeding from driving the big rig all day so it ended up being a Redbank Rimjob.
by hiemlich schlonge February 24, 2010
Another name for a Crystal Meth Lab.
Man, I was looking for a Gaston Trailer Park to get my fix, but instead ran into found some really good Doobage.
by hiemlich schlonge February 23, 2010
This is an unplanned sexual act. It occurs when a man is about to lick a girls clit but when he gets his head down there the smell gags him and he can't do it. But he likes the girl and doesn't want to embarass her so he quickly jumps up and shoves his penis in here mouth yelling "I forgot, ladies first."
Warren had been planning to eat Samantha all week at the party because he knew a girl as fine as her had to taste sweet but when his head got down there he had to pull a Gaston Switch-a-rooh.
by hiemlich schlonge February 24, 2010
This is a sexual act decision making device. Obviously you need a dartboard and darts. But you also need small pieces of paper with your favorite sexaul acts on it. The pieces of paper will be attached to the dartboard and your partner will throw a dart at the board to decide which sexaul act will be performed that evening. This also can be used for an entire weekend of fun or at an orgy.
Rebecca could not decide what she wanted Sean to do to her the Saturday before she married Tom so they played the Gaston Dart Game. Before the sun went down she had been hot carled, Cleveland Steamered, Strawberry Shortcaked, Tonya Danzad, Donkey Punched, and don the Alligator Fuckhouse 3 times. She had scares that make-up wouldn't hide and her vagania was bleeding profusely, but at least the concusion would make her forget Sean before she said "I Do" to Tom.
by hiemlich schlonge March 08, 2010
Being heavily being led on all night by a girl and when you get right past third base she jumps up and says she has to go.
Reagen had let me believe all week that she was putting out and just when I was about to put the condom on she Charlie Browned Pussy me. I thought I was going to Donkey Punch that bitch on her way out the door.
by hiemlich schlonge February 22, 2010

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