Every day, minute, SECOND, is painful. You have hate and pain running through your veins constantly that it controls you. Every cell in your body hates your existence and screams at you to end it all. You constantly think and wonder WHY!? Why were you the one who ended up in this life. Why did you grow up to be the miserable one.
Every night is long and dark, as you lie awake and feel too afraid to sleep, but in too much pain to remain conscious. Every morning you wake up and the familiar dark thoughts envelop you as you realize you have to exist for another horrible day.
It is a feeling of absolute loneliness. You feel that you have no one, yet everyone else has everyone. You look around at all the people you know enjoying friends and family and relationships andwonder why you're alone. Just so utterly alone.
You constantly think "Why am I still here? What am I doing?"... You wish you could just exist in a world of sleep where you didn't really have to live or think or breathe. Nothing makes sense to you or gives you comfort except for the concept of non-existence... Suicide. Suicide is the only thing that makes sense to you. Non-existence seems like the only sensible solution. You despise every second you exist on Earth.
Its like looking at the world through a camera lens, but the lens has a filter on it to make every single thing you see and experience look disgusting, terrible, dark, awful, hateful. depression