An amazing substance...Can take all 3 forms of matter(solids,liquids,gases(Tee Hee).Can be classified using this "helpful" guide....
1.The Plain Shit
Quick, easy and clean(well as clean as it could be...).
The dream shit
2.The 2nd Wave
Just as you pull your pants up from the first one you realise, to your dismay, that your not finished.
3.The Ghost Turd
The kind where you fell it come out(can be painful)
and there is shit on the toilet paper, but alas!, the bowl is clean
4.The Ass Master
The type of shit that is so huge in size and so mind numbingly painful to squeeze out in feels like your giving birth to it.Usually is so big you have to break it up into little peices before you flush it down
5.The "Oooo Ahhh..." Shit
The shit that is so huge and impressive you have to ring up your friends who will generally make noises of shock and awe
6.The Gas Cloud Shit
The type of shit that smells so bad anyone that walks within 30 metres of your bathroom goes "Damn!",they may also faint...You will need to attack it disenfectant and air-freshner(10+ cans).You will have to continually attack it until the smell goes away(this may take several days)
7.The Mexican Food Shit
8.The Corn Shit
No explanation needed
Usually caused by a virus.Comes out all mushy and stuff, you have to wipe about 50 times everytime you go and you have to go about 10 times a day.It is also caused by eating taco bell
which brings us to....
10.The Taco Bell
The El Grande of shit
So excruciating it brings a tear to the eye of even the strongest men.Smells similar to The Gas Cloud.Its comes out in a way similar to toothpaste...Can also be slightly gritty also similar to the....
11. ....Crunken Nights Shit....
Pretty much the same as The Taco Bell.Leaves skid marks in the bottom of the toilet.
Comes in two colours:
and in extreme cases....
4.*complete silence* Blue/Purple
You squeeze and squeeze, it taunts you, you fight back,control your muscles,it may need vocal assistance...
After you get up you expect to see a lincoln log, but alas!
It's a cocoa puff, it sits there...Taunting you...
13.The Posh Turd
Has no odour.
14.The Hanging Soldier
A shit that sort of just hangs there, if a shake or two doesn't make it come loose use a bit of toilet paper to push it away.
15.Liquidity(The Shampoo Shit)
The kind where it squirts out like shampoo and takes 100 wipes to dry/clean
The type of shit where all that comes out is gas, usually loud enough to make everyone in the house giggle.
17.The OMFG-Why-Can't-I-Poop Poop
Similar effect of Arse Orchestra
You just keep pushing and pushing to no avail...identical to the Ghost Turd, except when you wipe there is nothing there
And that is why it is the most amazing substance in the world(I didn't really prove that but IDC)