Shia LaBeouf, known best for his roles in the Disney Channel show Even Stevens
and in the motion picture Transformers
, is a shapeshifting demi-god who is currently the greatest actor on the face of the earth. He was not born, but created in a rousing session of butt-sex involving Chuck Norris and Zeus, the god of thunder. In Greek his names means "The One Who Fucks Grizzly Bears", while in Latin it simply translates to " Big Dicked Moistener of Vaginas."
The first known historical evidence of Shia LaBeouf dates back to ancient Egypt. It is said that when Shia arrived in the country he immediately fucked all the hot Egyptian pussy. In fact, he fucked them so hard that they all died from internal bleeding. Furious, Shia created 10 plauges to spread across the country. He also freed the Jewish slaves and let them cross the red sea on his gigantic dick. Afterward he left the country and swore that from then on he would only pound chicks hard enough to make their vaginas bleed a little bit. This is the reason women now menstrate.
In the past he has taken on many names and identities. Some of these include Hercules, King Arthur, William Shakespeare, General William Tecumseh Sherman, Walter Cronkite, Smokey the Bear, James Earl Jones, Ted Nugent and Samuel L. Jackson. This does not include the people that Shia himself created. Some examples would be Ron Jeremy, who was forged from a wart on Shia's dick and Michael Moore, who was spawned from a giant shit Shia once took.
Shia's best scientific achievement is easily curing polio. He did this by putting his jizz in a syringe and injecting it into an infected woman. He didn't know she had polio, he just wanted to inject his seamen into her. He is also credited with punching a hole through the ozone layer with his left testicle. His right testicle is responsible for creating the Grand Canyon.
Shia first appeared in his current form in 2000 as Louis Stevens on Even Stevens. Since then he has starred in several amazing films such as Transformers, Disturbia, Eagle Eye, and Holes (which ironically enough was the name of a porn he did under another one of his pseudonyms, Peter North
Today Shia still roams the earth pounding hot chicks and eating live hand grenades. In fact, I believe that he is currently banging you mom/sister/wife/girlfriend.