America, post 9/11 and hence a definitive hypocrisy
'Police state? Amrica, after the Patriot Act, which was written BEFORE 9/11
and which was always intended to be the 1984
In-depth definition, PART ONE:
CHARVA - Noun, usually the name given to the swine-hordes of unwanted bastard children who make up approximately one quarter of the native Newcastle population. The word is constructed through the corruption of the term CHARmless VAgrant. Their numbers are maintained by the inbreeding of charvae
at approx 14 years old, which results in accidental pregnancy and produces the next generation of unloved barking cabbages. Because of the rapidly shrinking gene-pool that creates charvae, vital DNA-codes are being lost and quality is being dumped in favour of quantity. The prospects of being taught to use their brains, of being educated, of making a contribution to history, of earning money, of learning at least one skill, of manipulating their environment, of producing art or of ever being possessed of self-esteem are woefully low and this means that we all feel a strong pathos for charva under-fives. The charva learning curve is actually unique in the whole world, peaking as it does at 6 years old. This is mirrored in their physical development, which hits a ceiling of about 5 feet 5 inches for males and 4 feet 9 inches for charvettes, occasionally delivering us a towering giant of 5 foot 10. If they reach 14, then the whole cycle will repeat itself in an ever-growing downward spiral. Because of this accelerated procreation rate, charva girls are actually beginning to be BORN pregnant.
'Charva girls are actually beginning to be BORN pregnant.
In-depth definition, PART NINE:
Charvae should not be mistaken for Geordies, who are a noble, radical and propsperous people. Neither should they be mixed up with other poor or low-income people in general, or with well-meaning people with learning difficulties who try their best. Charvism is in fact a very distinct form of social disease and a good way to imagine charvae if you do not live in Newcastle is to think of remedials from school, then imagine them interbreeding in class rather than learning to read. Testament to the other Geordies' will to help lift charvae above their wretched, hopeless status was the wonderful 'Let's take a charva much, much farva' campaign of 2001, which helped to raise over £63,000 for this unfortunate forgotten group. The campaign would still persist today with the famous 'HELP A CHARVA TODAY - THEY CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES' t-shirts, but all of the kindly donated money was pissed up the wall paying for tabs, pizza and SKY once it had been chored from the campaign headquarters by charvae.
The best way to upset a charva is to laugh at their poor clothes and unfortunate looks and the best way to destroy one is either to get them beaten up by a homosexual Goth in front of a laughing crowd of children, to paint 'nonce' right across the front of their house or to post their addresses in airports as havens for asylum seekers. The ultimate fate of all charvae is to be left on Earth to devolve back into the Dark Ages of random low-tech warfare, while the rest of humanity takes to the stars.
Despite being the pathetic, doomed, non-achieving cracker-spawn of multiple generations of unwanted children, charvae do have value, as they are walking, breathing examples of the importance of birth control.
A good way to imagine a charva if you haven't seen one is to think of remedials from school, then imagine them interbreeding in class rather than learning to read
In-depth definition, PART TWO:
Charvae are distinct in physicality even when naked, because of their lank, gaunt, slight appearance and the look of borrowed flesh, hanging slightly loose from their bones due to their peculiar dietary habits, which lead to acute malnourishment. This gives their skin a kind of thin, translucent quality and what charvae might think of as their six-pack is actually their lower rib-cage, lending them a particularly whippet-like form. Charvae posture while clothed is still conspicuous and features numerous defects - bandy legs, bent backs and an ugly asymmetric swagger when in motion, due to one hand of the male being down their shell-suit bottoms and the hands of the female constantly pulling theirs up. The charva food-cupboard that sustains these frail bodies
comprises tinned hot-dogs, baked beans, pasta'n'sauce (for the posher ones) and may even stretch to a packet of dairylea, all bought in mountainous bulk on giro day from Netto (or maybe Morrisons if they're walking home). The charva attitude to food seems to be 'if it doesn't come in a tin, its bad for you', while fresh vegetables and fruit are considered to be 'for nonces'. White cider is the chosen beverage, which is taken several times a day at intervals, with class B drugs for added interest. Celebratory splash-out meals are had from time to time, when charvae 'get raj' at McDonalds then get mortal drunk on a fine wine, such as Lambrini, at about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. This is often the time when both male and female charvae will piss in a crowded shopping street; it is also when the males will exhibit their tiny genital sets for supposed comic effect, only to be met with a sympathetic silence.
The charva attitude to food seems to be 'if it doesn't come in a tin, its bad for you'
1. Of, pertaining to or sharing characteristics with the visionary work or ideas of Noam Chomsky
2. A subscriber to Noam Chomsky's meticulously researched and very uncontroversial assertions
3. A person who isn't deluded
4. Extremely disciplined
5. A person who possesses a remarkably high IQ.
6. Someone who upsets hicks and fools without even trying.
see also chomskyan
, noam chomsky
'Noam Chomsky - now there's a dude who knows where its at'
Of, pertaining to or sharing characteristics with the work or ideas of Noam Chomsky
see also Chomskian
'Chomskyan in tone, the idea suggests that America isn't the innocent 1-dimensional young adolescent it paints itself to be, resulting in a reappraisal of what patriotism means - does it mean putting up with abhorrent lies blindly and thus being corrupt and false, or does it mean a love for the values of democracy?'
In-depth definition, PART FIVE:
The language of charvae has bewildered linguists the world over, as no-one has been able to identify its roots. It seems to consist of a constant nasal whine that sounds like 'aaaaaa', which occasionally morphs into approximations of existing English words delivered in an extended manner, very much akin to Siberian throat-singing but with an undertone of suppressed rancour. A variation of this is the machine-gun-like delivery that accompanies an amphetamine session that often features the endless repetition of the words 'proper', 'how', 'ch', 'here, man', 'shan' and 'hollible'. The usage of these amusing jazz words by non-charvae is a source of constant chagrin to the charva
The language of the charva has bewildered linguists the world over.