Made by Pfizer in collaboration with The Onion News Network, Despondex is the first drug designed to treat the symptoms of excessive perkiness. It can prevent loud joyful squeals when a friend calls, Christmas caroling, costume parties, talking in line at a grocery store, community potlucks, excessive hugging, and smiles.
Are you annoyingly happy?
Despondex could be right for you.
If you are in a good mood occasionally that is normal but if you have a persistant positive outlook on life you should ask your doctor about Despondex.
Now you too can waste a night sitting on the couch with your friends or family watching a TV show no one enjoys.
Despondex prevents happiness better than watching the news, considering man's impact on nature, checking your bank balance, and thinking about how old you are and how little you have accomplished.