15 definitions by dudelookslikeachimp

Top Definition
Naive dimwitted brat who was pregnant at 16 -- but still probably better prepared to be a parent than her older sister Britney.
Jamie Lynn Spears is a typical Disney slut but still young enough that swelling ego hasn't erased her reflex to fake being nice.
by dudelookslikeachimp December 29, 2007

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a walking breathing example of why chronological age is a stupid way to tell if someone is mature enough for sex, marriage or kids.

Why every person past puberty should be mentally evaluated annually and have an ID card stating whether having sex with them is Statutory Rape.
Paris Hilton is so dimwitted she would always be a Statutory Rape case.
by dudelookslikeachimp December 29, 2007

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An abusive sometimes angry critique of the victim's actions or work. Such a painful and embarrassing evaluation that it feels like the authority is trying to tear a new asshole for you. (Assholes being an embarrassing body area.)

Secondarily, tear a new asshole may refer to total domination by an opponent similar to a gay rape where the attacker didn't even bother to find to the actual asshole.
The drunken male marines performance on the whore house obstacle course was so pitiful that their sergeant had to tear a new asshole for all of them with a rusty pocket knife. But he praised the females for being righteous Ho's on the beach.
by dudelookslikeachimp December 29, 2007

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ass pimples that give the flesh that rough pig flesh complexion --- like Arnold Ziffle (pig on Petticoat Junction).
Gee girl its a good thing I love banging Arnold Ziffle --- because you sure got a load of ziffles.
by dudelookslikeachimp February 20, 2008

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In addition to describing the real obsessive watcher (maybe sexual or maybe hater) who cannot be discouraged by acceptable social means -- the slang usage more commonly refers to...

The Politically Correct way to publicly cast "criminal" suspicion on an undesirable person before your "real" friends think you find the undesirable person's friendship or sexual interest acceptable.

Also a term used in a popular juvenile game of the social elite similar to the 1600's "witch hunt" "game". The idea is if enough members of the social elite call someone a stalker then members of the opposite sex will prove their acknowledgment of your elitism by taking punitive action against the one called stalker. The rules of the game include the concepts that

(1) the fewer and faster the punitive action, the more elite the members who originally designated the target called stalker -- or at least the closer they are to being able to join that group, e.g. tentative acknowledgment by the elite.

(2) the sooner someone joins in calling stalker against a selected target the more accepted they are among the elite group and their followers -- or at least they are conscious and accepting of the righteous rule of the elite and are less likely to be a target of some social game themselves.

(3) all the classic benefits of the "pecking order" modified by the idea that the farther you drive someone down, the higher you raise yourself up.

(4) all the joys of future lawyers and politicians in doing something deliciously evil while staying within the boundaries normally described as legal and saintly.

(5) you can't trust enough people after leaving high school or college to make the game work any more.
All the Cheerleaders said the new kid who skipped a grade and had a hairlip was a stalker who peek in their bathroom. So the football team caught him after school and cut off his nuts. But nobody got arrested after the police heard what the cheerleaders said even though the new kid was only at school one day. A bunch of us gave the Prom Queen and King his nuts to use as fuzzy dice when they drove to the dance. What a laugh. Such losers should just kill themselves before their show their faces at OUR school.
by dudelookslikeachimp January 22, 2008

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Several meanings/roots in Britain. The most common reference being to the beheading of Mary Queen of Scots who was beheaded because she was Catholic after the creation of the Anglican church. The majority of English lords betrayed the strong claim to the line of royal succession in order not become subject the Catholic church again - partially out of fear of penalties the Catholic Church was likely to impose and partially because of royal marriages the Catholic Church was arranging to take power out of Britain. Thus all sort sof bad things are implied including betrayal and major turmoil, war, personal disaster, and a violent messy solution.

Alternatively British blasphemy -- which says The Virgin Mary was not a virgin as in Mary was bloody from her ruptured hymen. Of course such a blasphemy means you are going straight to hell having denied Christ is God's son. Thus Bloody Hell refers to huge disaster and misfortune. This form is seldom the sense used today - but when it is there is an implication that the Church or Christianity or God is at fault.
Bloody Mary, they did it again! They assassinated Lady Di for planning to marry into Al-Quaeda.
by dudelookslikeachimp January 22, 2008

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someone who is just in it for a one night stand -- even when the other person is rich, beautiful, loves them and is ready to have children with them even if they have to hide it from the public.

Particularly someone who intentionally gets drunk to commit such one night stands after long plans to set up the opportunity.
I banged Paris Hilton then pushed her out of the car into the mud after she asked me to marry her. Boy I am a stupid fucker or what?

I stole Brad Pitt from his wife that night then ran away when he offered me her ring. I guess I am a pretty stupid fucker.
by dudelookslikeachimp January 22, 2008

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