A person with facial features that are abnormally close together and a misshaped head that is wider than it is high (resembling a hamburger). Due to the inadequate spacing between their eyes, nose and mouth, hamburger heads typically have huge "never-ending" foreheads and their eyes are actually located on the lower half of their head (below the equator, if you will -- where most peoples' noses are).
Whereas the average person's face takes up approximately 70% of the front of their head, a hamburger head's face takes up far less real estate, averaging approximately 30% of the front of their head.
Steve: Dude, look at that ugly guy! His head is so flat and wide and his face is all scrunched together. I think I'm gonna puke!
A person who is fat, socially awkward, extremely unathletic, and permanently smells like a mixture of body odor and farts. The central wardrobe items in every beefer's closet are tapered sweat pants, novelty t-shirts, flannel and jean jackets. Beefers typically sweat 8-10 times more than their non-beefer counterparts, and have armpit stains within 30 minutes of showing and dressing in the morning. Easily identifiable by their dirt staches, horrid breath and die-hard love for the game of hockey. Only males can be classified as a beefer.
Person 1: Did you catch a whiff of those fat losers trading hockey cards in the K-Mart parking lot yesterday?