33 definitions by col. hans landa

n.; the state of someone who is not sweet; someone who does not possess bro status or G status.
Guy #1: "I'm gonna do homework instead of hitting up the party."
Guy #2: "Dude...no status."
by Col. Hans Landa September 28, 2011

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a language spoken by businessmen and CEOs. Used to confuse the people they're about to steal mad cash from by replacing common concepts with words that sound nice.

Examples include, but are in no way limited to:
Price point = price
Strategically reduced = fired
Capital = ca$h money
Sold at profit = Ripped off
Presented a convincing argument = lied to/threatened
Net worth = Maximum ransom

Great time to buy = We're in the shitter
Great time to sell = I want more shares

Executive board meeting = Vacation in Cancun

Unanimous decision = only the CEO agreed
Profitable relocation = we're moving to China
Unforeseen expenses = another vacation in Cancun
Somewhat suggested = absolutely required
Socialist = anyone who disagreed
Acquire via purchase = Buy
It was in the contract = If you take this to court you won't win
Salesman: "The price point of this house is so high, if you purchase now we can heavily recommend the likely executive redecision committee to select the nearby land for habitat enrichment rather than strategic redevelopment -- that is, if you agree to a slightly more significant lease agreement."

Normal person: "Don't gimme that bullshitspeak. How much do I have to pay so you won't put up the high-rise?"
by Col. Hans Landa December 27, 2011

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see hashtag. A "#" symbol used on Twitter to denote its subject material.
Facebook post: "Tix to see Kanye for 40 bux #winning"
Comment: "Stop using Twitter tags on FB, you little fuck."
by Col. Hans Landa October 02, 2011

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v., when someone who's already up shit creek alienates or insults somebody who honestly could have helped them get back to shore. Essentially, burning bridges with regards to people.
Guy 1: "Hey man, how did your meeting with the RA go today? Did you get out of the alcohol warning?"
Guy 2: "No man, I told her she looked sexy in her dress, and she wrote me up for sexual harassment too."
Guy 1: "Wow man, you really like shooting the sheriff, huh?"
by Col. Hans Landa November 08, 2011

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The undiscovered paradise.
"On the seventh day, God rested. Ont the eighth day, He made Western Pennsylvania."
by Col. Hans Landa September 11, 2011

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A very rough scale, usually used in jest, to establish how close you are with a given individual. The friendometer is divided into two sections, acquaintances and friends, which have more specific categories within them:

ACQUAINTANCES

Weak Acquaintance - someone you know by name, and will say hello to

Strong Acquaintance - same as above, may have brief conversation. Friends-of-friends and friends-by-association usually fall into this category

FRIENDS
Weak friend - can have brief, meaningful conversation with, but see rarely. Some friends-by-association can be this.

Friend - the average, you can hang out with this person and have normal, graceful conversation.

Good friend - someone who you chill with a lot and have meaningful conversation

Close friend - someone who you always want to hang out with and can tell almost anything to

Best friend - someone who you would sacrifice a lot for, who you admire and love deeply, and to whom you can tell anything about your life; usually you have 5 or 6 best friends in the whole world, including family members
The friendometer is helpful when trying to assess one's closeness to someone, but obviously like all scales cannot completely describe the way the world operates.
by Col. Hans Landa November 15, 2011

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n.; an elation, similar to a high, that is experienced when one finds oneself in a position of power. Usually this is because the person realizes that their arbitrary choice will have a profound effect on someone else, thus inflating their ego and sense of importance.

This phenomenon explains the arrogance of police officers, judges, congressmen, professors, and other powerful individuals.
Tom: "Dude, are you gonna ref the freshman basketball game this year?"
Joe: "You bet! I'll be getting such a power high!"
by Col. Hans Landa February 02, 2012

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The Urban Dictionary Mug

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The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

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The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

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