21 definitions by chesterpest

Top Definition
To have an arse like a 'Rabbits Nose': To become so nervous as to develop an anal 'twitch' in anticipation of a forthcoming event. To be 'shitting oneself'.
I had an arse like a rabbits nose when they pulled me over. I was so ripped to the tits that i'd already pissed my pants several miles earlier and run over a dog and a small child.
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
When you're so desperate for a dump that you struggle to keep it in before reaching the sanctuary of a toilet. Also known as 'Touching cloth', 'pulling tongues', 'turtles head', 'getting a black eye', 'squeezing and 8 ball' etc...
'Can you hurry up in there mate, trap one has shit on the seat and i've got a monkeys toe out here?'
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
To be there in a minute. The full version of 'there in two shakes'.
'I'll be there in two shakes of a chimps cock Vera', shouted Mavis before grabbing her coat, rushing to the front door and setting off for a good night at the bingo.
by chesterpest January 18, 2010
The opposite of the Easter Bunny who steals easter egg presents from their own kids without telling them.
"I'm afraid Aunty Mavis forgot to get you an easter egg this year little billy", said the easter mummy, "but anyway you've still got 3 more to eat and we dont want you getting sick - right?"
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
The scam whereby Restaurants/Florists/Chocolatiers cash in on Valentine's Day by trebling the price of their products safe in the knowledge that the male suitor is effectively held to ransom with no other options open to them.
"You may as well wear a feckin mask, this is just a bloody Valentine's Day Massacre" screamed Tom to the restaurant manager whilst his paramour paid a trip to the toilet.
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
1. A technique used by defenders to put attacking players in an offside position, by moving quickly away from their own goal to leave attackers offside.

2. A lady's 'backdoor' or 'back passage'.
That bag of chips I bought her was a good investment last night, not only did I get my end away, but I also managed to slip one in her 'offside trap'.
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
Alternative name for Stella Artois premium strength lager. Also known as wife beater. Refers to the after effects suffered from a night on the lash.
The morning after his 'liquid kosh' fueled binge Dave lost all feeling in his legs and went blind in one eye - 'Result' he declared.
by chesterpest January 17, 2010

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