11 definitions by chattom, e

Top Definition
Morbidly obese (i.e. overweight, fat, tubby, huge, and occasionally "big-boned") Women in the Oak Harbor/Island County of Whidbey Island, Washington. These creatures are of the pachyderm family, are mammals, and are the largest land animals alive today. Their habitat includes country bars, cheap nightclubs, and many of the fast food locations across the northwestern state of Washinton and southern Canada. W.I.W's are omnivores, spending 16 hours a day collecting junk food, beer, and large supply of Man-Beef. Their diet is at least 50% Hotdogs, supplemented with grease, burgers, fries, chips, candy, and small amounts of fruit juice, lean cuisine and diet coke. Scientists belive that because they only digest 40% of what they eat, they have to make up for their digestive system's lack of efficiency in volume. An adult W.I.W can consume 300–600 lb (140–270 kg) of food a day. 60% of that food leaves their body undigested, which is why they smell funny. They also give fantastic blowjobs.
Steve Irwin: CRIKEY! Do you see thaht? What you ar now lookin' at is one of the many Innnnfamous Whidbey Island Whales! We got to be veeery careful as not to disturb hher in hher hhabitat. Lets go in for a closer look! Goregeous!
by Chattom, E August 18, 2006
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.
The first part is easy.
All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.
That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground.
Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.
Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.
One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.
It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.
If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.
This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration.
Bob and float, float and bob.
Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher.
Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
They are most likely to say something along the lines of, 'Good God, you can't possibly be flying!'
It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.
Waft higher and higher.
Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the treetops breathing regularly.
When you have done this a few times you will find the moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier to achieve.
You will then learn all sorts of things about how to control your flight, your speed, your manoeuvrability, and the trick usually lies in not thinking too hard about whatever you want to do, but just allowing it to happen as if it was going to anyway.
You will also learn about how to land properly, which is something you will almost certainly cock up, and cock up badly, on your first attempt.
There are private flying clubs you can join which help you achieve the all-important moment of distraction. They hire people with surprising bodies or opinions to leap out from behind bushes and exhibit and/or explain them at the critical moments. Few genuine hitch-hikers will be able to afford to join these clubs, but some may be able to get temporary employment at them.

Read these books:
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Restaurant at the End of the Galaxy
Life, the Universe, and Everything
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
Mostly Harmless

And thats how to fly.
"Yo dude! I heard Superman learned how to fly using this definition!"
"Yeah, dude. He SOO did!"
by Chattom, E September 08, 2006
1. An exceptionally large amount of Marine Corps Drill Instructors in one place at a givin time. Usually in motion. (ie. parade, march)

2. A Marine Corps recruits worst nightmare in reality.
Ohh my sweet-mary-mother-of-God!! It's a SMOKEY BEAR PARADE!
by Chattom, E August 22, 2006
(boo-tee buf-fey) Any single particular place or area that contains excess amounts women that have "More ass than a Donkey Farm". Any specific social gathering (i.e. parties, bars, nightclubs, etc) that is bountiful in bulbous booty, has an abundance of apple-bottom ass, hordes of heavy hiny, or a cornicopia of clean-cut cutta.
Guy 1: "Hey man, you hit the club last night?"

Guy 2: "Naw, man. I had to put in work."

Guy 1: "Damn man, you missed it. It was strait up a Booty Buffet in that bitch!"
by Chattom, E September 22, 2007
(fif-tee-won fayk-owt) A "51 Fake-Out" is the action in which a fickle ass customer heads DIRECTLY toward a retail establishment's front doors, initiating sudden unwilling movement from lazy employees, and DOES NOT GO IN!! In turn, they just aimlessly stare inside like fat girls outside Victoria's Secret. Therefore making the employees get all excited for no reason. Most Mens Wearhouse employees HATE people who do this. We HATE them, and we wish they would die.
CSA: So you see that episode of Home Movies last night?
AsstManager: Yeah, that shit was funny!
*Customer Approaches Front Door*
AsstManager: Heads up. Looks like we've got a customer. Get ready.
CSA: Ok, boss.
*Customer Looks In, Keeps Walking*
CSA: What the fuck was that!?!
AsstManager:THAT, was that a 51 Fake-out!
by Chattom, E September 03, 2007
A shock beyond any mortal comprehention: a Pimp getting pimpslapped. It happens once (or maybe even twice) a century, resulting in worldwide collapse and confusion in the Pimp community. Hoe floods, hoe droughts, Uppity hoes, hoe famine, hoe self-esteem and hoe disease are common results of such a disaster. Never get Pimpoozled. Ever.
Pimp #1: "You know Hoe-ricane Katrina?"
Pimp #2: "Yeah, Pimpin'. What about dat hoe?"
Pimp #1: "She was caused by dat Pimp Don Jackson getting Pimpoozled!"
Pimp #2: "Pimp! Don be sayin' dat shit out loud, you know the pimp-laws!"
Pimp #1: "Tru dat, tru dat... dat shits Hoe-ribble"
by Chattom, E August 18, 2006
(kwar-ter koked) Adj. An extension of Half-Cocked, which is acting on assumptions or partial information. A person who is Quarter-Cocked, is so idiotic that they act on STUPID assumptions based on information that doesn't even exist. Kind of like that friend that everyone knows that spouts off stupid remarks about people they don't even know.
Guy one: Dude, you hear that Paris Hilton got locked up?

Guy two: Hell Yeah! Doesn't she have a new sex tape out, "A Night In The Warden's Office"!

Idiot: What are you talking about?!? Paris Hilton is a nice, good-natured woman who is a perfect role model for preteen girls and women everywhere!

Guy one: Kick his quarter-cocked ass.

Guy two: Ok.
by Chattom, E August 24, 2007
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