A tampon, soaked in a strong liquor or for the non-drinking saints amongst us (who while sober are willing - Legends) caffeinated products and insert said tampoon into the anus. (Tampooning) This is best achieved using an applicator not made from card and preferably with some KY jelly. The result is alcohol entering the system and bypassing the liver, promoting your inebriated state.
1: Andy just tampooned last night!
2: I know, heard him screaming in pain the next day when he went for a dump