Scottish jobby. Approx 9"-14" in length (varying thickness) and must protrude from the water in the bowl of the toilet pan and look as though it's "keichin' oot the water"
Went to see some friends off to the coast and had a monster keich..... looked like the Loch Ness Monster trying to climb oot the lavvy
A rounded, bespectacled, hairy creature with an insatiable appetite for alcohol and a deviant liking of root vegetables.
Gaz : "Have you seen Bennett ? We're supposed to be going out tonight"
Al : "Steve Bennett ?"
Gaz : "Don't be crazy man, no one can handle a night out with Steve Bennett"
Happy Gazday is a day when nothing EVER goes right and the "Happy" part is used in irony.
You all know the kinda day I'm talking about ? The sort of day that starts off when you get out of bed, late, hungover and half sleeping then stagger barefoot to the toilet only to stand squarely in a pile of steaming dog shit that squelches up between your toes making you want to puke.
Later, after cleaning the shit from between your toes and almost giving yourself a hernia puking, you go downstairs to make breakfast and, if there happens to be a milk carton in the fridge, you end up pouring a lump of stinking semi fermented cheese into your freshly made tea, coffee or cereal resulting in another gut ripping puking session !
The day continues when you go through a succession of miserable experiences and failures at work, school, college, etc. incorporating burns, scalds, bumos and paper cuts and in an attempt to cheer yourself you decide to go to the bar to have a drink and are met by a smiling barmaid/barman holding your massive bill from the night before.
It can also be sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday" when mocking someone who is having a particularly bad day.
A Wraithmell is a moment of extreme panic or shock experienced by a male when he gets "hit on" by a horny/crazy slut in a bar.
Symptoms include a fluttering heartbeat, temporary loss of speech, deep reddening of the face and in severe cases a retraction of the testicles back into the body similar to the manouvre used by sumo wrestlers to protect their nads during a wrestling bout.
Check him out !! He's gone all Wraithmell because that chick wants his huey
A Dinwoodie is similar to a woodie
) and is used to describe an erection.
The main difference between a "Dinwodie" and a standard "woodie" is the origin of the state of stiffness.
A "Dinwoodie" is generally obtained as a direct result of stimulation from direct contact with lycra cycling shorts (must have chamois crotch) and friction against the saddle of a racing bicycle.
The effect is most noticable amongst cyclists who wear ridiculously coloured lycra racing outfits, cycling "spumble" helmets and mirrored sunglasses.
Some cyclists refuse to use the term due to it's ever increasing popularity amongst the general public and use the cycling fraternity "insider" definition "PB" which many members of the public thing refers to a "personal best" time when it actually means "pulsating boner"
Check that guy out on the bike, you can see his Dinwoodie !!
North Lanarkshire is full of Dinwoodies during the cycling season !!
NTW is an abbreviation that originates in Scotland that stands for "Nail The Whale".
The exact origin is unsure but it's thought to have originated in the Glasgow area (possibly South side of Glasgow) and realtes to the sexual conquest of some girl who was smitten by a guy called Skoot Mackoo.
"What you up to tonight ?"
"I'm out looking for Skoot"
"Looking for Skoot ? Why"
"I'm gonna NTW tonight"
An abbreviation for "pulsating boner" used by Cyclists in place of Dinwoodie
, often mistaken by people outwith the cycling fraternity for "Personal Best"
Cyclist : Yo man, 30 minutes to cycle to work and I got a PB
Non Cyclist : You said it only took you 25 minutes last week, how can 30 be a PB ?
Cyclist : It's a bike thing man, you wouldn't understand
Non Cyclist : Hahahahaha... You've got a Dinwoodie