A person generally known for his ability to fistfuck chimpanzees. Mike's seem to enjoy hanging out in dark alleys, with no pants on, while slapjacking to the beat of any song by Pantera.
Commonly known as the coolest person you will ever meat (and yes, it's spelled like that intentionally), Mike's have an insatiable appetite for eating babies.
One of Mike's favorite past times is hiding in bushes and throwing his own feces at passersby. While this sounds dirty, I assure you that Mike's are generally not a dirty creature. This has been documented by Mike's enthusiasm for his perfectly shorn nutsack... which will sometimes be presented as a "grapefruit" for those that are lucky enough to see it.