So jakey its pronounced murmass.
An anual celebration in that land of scantily-clad neds refered to as 'Irvine'. Originally meant to celebrate Queen Mary visiting Seagate Castle, now a damn good excuse to hide booze and get bladdered. :)
The day kicks off with some horses running in circles, and a parade of under-dressed, over-indulgent small children throwing sticks around. There are also A LOT of horses in this parade. Drinking starts at roughly 9A.M so be prepared to step over a few bodies and to be called 'sexi' - dont take it personally, because if your in irvine, you more than likely aren't :)- on your way to the turf to watch the parade.
After the parade we have 'the shows' a.k.a a collection of rusty metal structures designed to make people puke in amongst some food venders, which also seem to be designed to make people puke. These are all run by 'carnies'....who also seem designed to make people puke... In other words, I reccomend a wash and some hand sanitiser.
Once, or rather if, you have survived the shows take a stroll to an after-party you have more than likely been invited to. A collection of more drunk folk, more alchohol and more dodgy food. Party into the wee hours and don't blame me if someone, for example, called 'Reilly' wakes up naked on top of you.
The police seem to enjoy wandering around searching bags, so my advice is hide your alcohol in your pram, considering the average pregnancy age is 15, i'm sure everyone will be able to follow this pointer.
At the end of the day just make sure you have eaten at least one bag of candyfloss, been on three rides, chibbed some random from doon the street, disobeyed yer mammy, ran away from the police and most importantly; taken a wonder all throught the town to laugh at jakes and more jakes...and more jakes, and more jakes, and more jakes.......
'are you going to marymass'
'i can count higher than 11, therefore my IQ is above 11, so no.'