1) Former NY governor Elliot Spitzer, who was given this designation by a call girl ring to protect his identity.
2)What one pitcher calls the opposing pitcher in the National League when he homers off of him. Cause he's his bitch.
3)A John who can manage to move his bowels 4 1/2 times during a single session with a prostitute.
1) Madam- Take client number nine tonight, and wear make him wear a rubber helmet.
Hillary (not her real name)- Good thing you're not running the witness protection program.
Madam- Shut your pie hole, and get on your back!
2) In 2001, Mike Hampton was client #9 to seven hurlers, but he was playing in Colorado, where I think prostitution is legal.
3) Madam- Take client number nine tonight, and bring some baby-wipes.
The ability to concentrate that is regained upon moving one's bowels.
Jim got home from work to Cindy's litany of how badly the kids were behaving, but fortunately for them, they were in luck. Jim could not concentrate on a single word with the turtle head poking out. Once he was done dumping he achieved a level of unmatched fecal lucidity.
"So," sighed Jim deeply, walking out of the bathroom, "Anything interesting happen today?"
The 13th tribe of Israel, named for the Patriarch Murray Liebowitz the Hat Blocker. Fled Palestine around 70 AD and fled to the Dingle Region of Ireland. Hoards of them poured out of the hill region and into the US, Australia, and Canada after the Potato Famine, or as it was dubbed at the time,"That afternoon we were a wee bit low on Chips." They are Ubiquitous today, being found in every profession, race, color, or creed, under the floor boards and even in the cupboards. Go have a look.
Terrence was cleaning out his tobacco tin, and out popped a Murray for the third time in a week.
"Sorry to shock you so, I was just livin' in your tobacoo tin. I'll go now, but be warned, I've 3 brothers in your dishwasher, and a few aunts and uncles in your pantry. They might not be so agreeable as I."
The Murray ran his finger along the inside of his collar and looked about the kitchen.
I've a bit of a thirst, do you mind if I borrow a jar of Ale from you before I'm on my way?"
1) The money shot of self-ruination.
2) A mixture of stroked Guvner's juice and chilled soda.
1) Jeffrey brought his coworker Ashley home during their lunch hour, but finished with an Elliot Spitzer and a nap. His wife Sally came home and gave him only enough time to grab his shaving kit and box of porn.
2) Seacrest tallied up the votes, and declared Elliot Spitzer delicious!
Cheese produced from swabbing the folds in Rush Limbaugh's skin. Top Fortune 500 performer in last quarter.
We managed to get some vintage Limbaugher from a floor trader who had some connections. We talked about interest rates, capital gains, stock portfolios with a bottle of Cognac and this remarkable cheese. We wondered how they could produce such a gastronomical delight.
February 05, 2008
To try to live by the example set by our lord savior Ringo Starr, or Richard Starkey as he is known to people from his hood.
We thought the cult of Ringoism would start off with a bang, but we really couldn't come up with much. The pot smoking got a little stale, and Jimmy was busted for trying to break into the "Thomas the Tank Engine" studio. We thought about banging Barbara Bach, but decided to wank off on some old playboys instead.
February 05, 2008
Based on the teachings of the former leader of the USSR who went on to found the Beatles with Senator Joe McCarthy. Involves purging and binging, and giving peace and five-year plans a chance. John Vladimir Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov Petrovich Juan Valdez Diego de Montoya Lennon (1870-1980)
Lennon pulled his country out of the first world war in order to give peace a chance. McCarthy finished up with communist witch hunts just in time to Join Lennon and Former President Harrison and Special Prosecutor Starr at the Hollywood bowl. The girls were wet and wild when they opened up with "Can't Buy me Love." Historians believe that Beatlemania was a natural extension of Lennonism, which in turn, was a product of the reformation and the Council of Trent.
February 05, 2008