A magic wand. (It rhymes with "long.")
Greg: "Marvin, why were you in the Prinicipal's office today?"
Marvin: "Coach caught me playing helicopter with my slong again."
Greg: "That's cool."
A Slong is a Magic Wand
Harry Potter has a Magic Wand. He plays with it everyday. People pay money to watch him play with it in the movies. Harry has made millions of pounds playing with his Magic Wand. Harry and his friends play with their Magic Wands together. Often boys play with their friends' Magic Wands, but they never tell anyone.
At Harry's school, the school masters teach the students how to play with their Magic Wands. They get to feel tingly all over in class. I wish I went to Harry's school.
Girls don't have Magic Wands. So, they have to lure a boyfriend and play with his Magic Wand. Boys like girls to play with their Magic Wands. But, girls only like to play with Magic Wands about once a week, and boys like to play with Magic Wands about four times a day.
So, boys still have to play with their Magic wands by themselves or with their friends. If they're lucky, they can play with their Magic Wands on camera and make millions of dollars like Harry, whose Magic Wand must be hairy now.
One day, Hermione will get to play with Harry's hairy Magic Wand. But Hermione is unlike other English girls; she has her own Magic Wand. She plays with hers -- just like the boys -- on camera. Maybe that's why she hasn't played with Harry's Magic Wand yet.
So, everyone, your homework tonight is to play with your Magic Wands. Wonderful things will happen and you will feel tingly all over.
How they had fun back in the innocent fifties.
John: You goin' cow-tippin' tonight?
Joe: No, we done did that last night. Come on over for a circle jerk at 7:00. We have a picture of Suzy in a yellow polka-dot bikini.
John: I hope we don't get no spots on her.
Feeding a very long slong. (See slong.)
John: Hey man, where've you been all weekend?
Joe: I had me a regular masturbathon.
John: Holy crap! Can I borrow your porn?
Joe: Yeah, I won't need it while my slong heals.