Take a soda can that is empty, lube it up nice and slick then slide it into your partners vagina/anus. Get up real nice and close and start humming loudly into the end of the can that is sticking out. This will create a unique vibrating sensation. Continue to do this louder and louder until your partner pisses or shits on your face due to the vibrations.
I don't recycle cans because my girlfriend loves to use them to do the soda pop on my face.
You eat 3-4 cans of whole corn, or one to two ears if your that kind of person, one day before meeting up with your dream girl. When your girl goes to philash you, say "hold on bessie your getting a farmer john today", you start "plowing" her from behind. Then when the mood is right, flip her over and let out your corny top soil in a nice row on her chest. Poke a few holes in the soil and make sure to plant enough man seed for a good harvest.
My girlfriend wanted to go out dancing, but she had to stay home and wash off her farmer john.