A fan fiction based
on the Twilight
by Stephenie Meyer
Many of these fan-fics are written
by giddy 13-to-19-year-old girls that have a creepy obsession with Edward Cullen
(the main character/vampire/"ideal guy"), while also having
a severe hatred
of Bella Swan
(due part to jealousy caused
by her relationship with Mr. Cullen in the book).
These fan-fictions are usually
bizarre and deviate
from the original story to an extreme some couldn't fathom. It's believed there's an army of the crazed fangirls writing these with the intent of brainwashing
everyone into believing that
Stephenie Meyer is indeed, the greatest author in the world, and that
Twilight is the best fictional series to have
ever been written...
All joking aside, the fandom
of the series is ridiculous, and the fan-fics have
no purpose in even
existing. Now I think
I'll stab my eyes out before my friends get into them and try to get me to read them.
*Guy 1 walks
Guy 1: "Hey, dude, what are you doing?"
*Guy 2 quickly switches tabs, then minimizes his browser window*
Guy 2 (nervously): "Nothing, nothing, just uh- Checking out some uh... Pictures
Guy 1: "Ha! Are you looking at a Twific again?"
*Guy 1 pushes Guy 2 aside and re-opens the browser*
Guy 2: "DUDE! SHUT UP! MY SISTER SENT
IT TO ME!"
Guy 1: "Haha! I'm telling the rest of the fraternity! No more Alpha Kappa
Omega shower privileges for you!"
Fangirl approaches Random
Fangirl: HEY! DO YOU LIKE TWILIGHT?!
Bypasser: Uh, sure, yeah, I guess it's pretty... Uh... Okay...
Fangirl: YA RLY! I KNORIGHT?!?!
Bypasser: Heh... Suuuuure...
Fangirl: YOU WANNA' READ
Bypasser: Nah, I'd rather
get shot in a random drive
Bypasser then becomes the victim
of a random drive
Bypasser: This just goes
to show that... Dreams DO come true... *dies*Random Drive
Byer: "YEAH! AFTER WE HIT UP DA' LIQUOR
STO', HOW 'BOUT WE READ
SOME TWIFICS, Y'ALL!"
passengers agree, while shouting and cheering about their victory against
"the oppressive white man"*
Guy 1: "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! I'LL NEVER READ
Guy 1 stabs his eyes
Guy 2: "It's a shame you can't read
anymore... But good thing there's Twifics... IN BRAILLE!"
Guy 2 pulls out several pages of a Twific in Braille*Other
Guy 1: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Movie Director: "CUT! No, no, no, do it with
more feeling. Don't scream like you're trying to win a role for Troll 2
, ya' r-tard
Other Guy 1: "...I'm not an r-tard..."