Spouse of a triathlete
A triathlete is any person who was once human, but has now transformed into something super-human, and can no longer hang out with other mere mortals. They must spend all their spare time swimming, biking, running, and shaving themselves in order to keep their new-found sport god status. During this time, they are technically still married, but their wife/husband considers them dead due to their lack of normal human function.
Note: The spouse is only considered a triathlon widow during the time the triathlete is wasting all their spare time spent training, racing, shaving, or thinking about their multi-sport addiction in general.
I'm a triathlon widow this weekend. My husband is gone from our family for 3 days to do an Iron Man race 5 states away. Yes, he had to pay to be in it, and no he does not win anything.