3 definitions by Toby Doughbawaski

Top Definition
THE BEN FRANKLIN is actually one of the oldest sex acts in the United States. In fact, it was invented by Ben Franklin 10 minutes after his famous "kite" experiment. He used it on 96 of the 100 women he impregnated. Wait until your girlfriend is on the rag. While she is giving you a blowjob, tie a skeleton key on the string of her tampon and rub an inflated balloon on her head. The gay version differs. While you are receiving a blow job, you tie a skeleton key on a string, stick the key up your partner's ass, and rub an inflated balloon on his head.
Straight: Reginald, my pussy still hurts from the bugs being zapped by that "Ben Franklin" you gave me last month. I could have used that tampon as makeup for a Minstrel Show. Gay: Jebediah, when you turned a string of my shit into a glowstick by zapping me with that "Ben Franklin," I never laughed so hard in my life. Little did I know you would pull the old switch-a-roo and give me the oldest one in the book.
by Toby Doughbawaski February 24, 2008
The chocolate pastry bag was invented by President Herbert Hoover's wife as a practical joke. She ran the gag on President Hoover daily over the course of five years. Simply, you cut a hole in the tip of someone's shoe and then shit in the shoe. When the unsuspecting party puts his/her foot in the shoe . . . SQUIRT . . . the chocolate pastry bag. However, the innocent joke went sour in the hands of Al Capone. He gave wiskey to midgets and intelligent children then tricked them into giving each police officer in the country at least one chocolate pastry bag per week.
Mrs. Hoover: Honey, would you go give the shanty townsfolk some lemonade? SQUIRT! Hahahahaha . . . "the chocolate pastry bag!" You are one dumb bastard. Cop: See, aw shucks, see . . . the crooks got the whole station with the "chocolate pastry bag" again. That's the last time I take off my shoes to answer the telephone, see.
by Toby Doughbawaski February 25, 2008
THE BEN FRANKLIN is actually one of the oldest sex acts in the United States. In fact, it was invented by Ben Franklin 10 minutes after his famous "kite" experiment. He used it on 96 of the 100 women he impregnated. He then improved his dexterity at it by repetition and by inventing bi-focal lenses. To preform it, wait until your girlfriend is on the rag. While she is giving you a blowjob, tie a skeleton key on the string of her tampon and rub an inflated balloon on her head. The gay version was created by James Buchanan, our only verifiably gay president. While you are receiving a blow job, you tie a skeleton key on a string, stick the key up your partner's ass, and rub an inflated balloon on his head.
Straight: Reginald, my pussy still hurts from the bugs being zapped by that "Ben Franklin" you gave me last month. I could have used that tampon as makeup for a Minstrel Show. Gay: Jebediah, when you turned a string of my shit into a glowstick by zapping me with that "Ben Franklin," I never laughed so hard in my life. Little did I know you would pull the old switch-a-roo and give me the oldest one in the book.
by Toby Doughbawaski February 25, 2008

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